The Story of my Life

For the past two weeks I've been spending most of my time with my bestfriend, Michelle. Not all of my current friends personally know her. They just hear me occasionally say "my bestfriend". I have three bestfriends, by the way, they are Michelle, Mei and Annalee.

Michelle has been my friend since puberty hit us. She lives three floors down from my place. We went to the same high school but she's a year younger than me (nag-grade 7 kasi). On weekends, we would always spend time malling and/or dating. Yes, at very young age we're already dating. hehehe...When it's shopping, we're inseparable. We know every store in SM City. Greenhills tiangge addicts. And on Christmas season, we'd travel all the way to Divisoria to shop...We talk about almost everything. When we started smoking, after dinner I would always go to her place to smoke and have small chat...which eventually led to hours and hours of chatting. There were even times that we didn't know we finished half a pack of cigarette in just one sitting.

When she moved to the states (on the first year of our friendship), I was the most devastated. But the friendship just grew stronger. Though she was miles away, we were in constant communication...despite the absence of e-mail, chat and text back then. We were writing to each other (snail mail ito!) almost every month. The distance grew us closer together. Ironic diba? But honestly, I appreciate her friendship more when she moved away.

12 years after, a lot of things have changed. W'eve gained so much weight...hahahaha...(Michelle, admit it, you're medium-sized now!) We're older and wiser. Our problems have become more complicated (well, my problem is still my lovelife...hers has become more and more complicated). We have gone through so much. When I talk to her now, I get a lot of wisdom from her. When I listen to her problems, sometimes I can't help but feel ashamed of myself because what I'm going through now is nothing compared to what she's gone through. And despite everything, she remains strong.

I'm glad to be reunited with her...kahit na ngayong gabi di ko sya nasamahang uminom cause I'm under medication (damn antibiotics!). I'm glad that the friendship remained strong despite the years and distance in between. I'm looking forward to another 12 years of friendship with you.

As I was trying to get some sleep I remembered what Mars asked me a couple of years back which she quoted from Brad Pitt&Julia Roberts' movie, The Mexican. "When do you know that enough is enough?" "When I've given my all" I said... and went on to blab why. "Never" she said. I was silent. Shocked at how simple the answer was. There I was showing off how profound I can be only to find out that the answer was simple...never.

But later on I realized, never is never a simple word. To say never entails a lot of emotions and responsibilities from the person who uttered it...

So, when do you know that enough is enough? When do you know that you've done everything to save a relationship? When do you decide to get out of a relationship? When do you know that leaving a relationship is ultimately better than living in that relationship? When do you stop wallowing and start moving on? When do you tell yourself enough?

Enough is when you have nothing else to give in the relationship...and it just goes downhill from there. Enough is when you begin to compromise your values and the things and people that matter to you most. Enough is when you don't know who you are anymore. Enough is when you've lost your self-esteem. Enough is when you can't seem to put aside your differences and it always gets in the way of your relationship. Enough is when you can't be happy living in the relationship and everyday becomes a struggle.

Loving is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling one can ever experience. But when it becomes difficult for one or for both parties, you should start asking yourself why. If either or both parties are no longer happy staying in the relationship then what's the point of holding on to it?! Don't deprive your partner and yourself of the opportunity of finding happiness somewhere else. Move on.

I know its hard starting a new relationship..even finding a new one is difficult(I haven't even found mine)...And the gap between relationships can be hell. Yes, you'll miss so many comforts of a relationship: someone to drag when you need to run an errand, someone to spend your friday evening with, someone to walk the hallways with, someone to keep you company as you drive to work, someone to have breakfast with, someone to have a bottle or two after a hard days work, someone to cuddle and kiss. I miss having to lie in the passenger seat while my head rests on his lap. You'll miss everything and you'll come to a point that you wish you could take it all back. But when you reach that point, think about it one more time then ask yourself, will all the good times be enough to compensate his/her shortcomings? Is there more to give?

My answer still holds...enough is when I know I've given my all but you still remain hard as stone.