The Story of my Life

So this is how it feels.

I never understood what people felt when they said they've been called. I thought they were exaggerating. They magnify the situation to lure people into believing. But now I understand.

Camille asked me to be the next Log House, which means I will be Rector three batches from now. When I first heard about it, I was apprehensive and I wanted to decline again. But I thought, I owe myself and Jess some thinking time. It's a big responsibility but it is also an honor.

My thoughts were filled with doubts and questions...more so, of guilt. Jess has been calling me to serve Him and it didn't dawn on me until that night. He already called me when Paolo asked me to give a talk. Whenever I'd think about it, I couldn't help but cry because I know that He wants us to be closer. He's reaching out but I always push Him away. I know I'm getting cheesy here but really if you were there, if you were sitting beside me Saturday night, you'd understand. I felt ashamed of myself.

I didn't ask for signs but He gave several that Weekend to help me decide. Until now, I am still in awe. Overwhelmed. Humbled. Honored. The feeling is inexplicable. He is so great! I know you won't believe me if I tell you that He talked to me. But He really did. He made His presence felt in several ways. That's what I find amazing about the whole experience. I wasn't expecting anything. I was just absorbing the feeling. I was waiting for the idea to consume me until I give in so that it'll be easier to decide. But He sent me something because He knew I don't have a very wise heart. =)

When I'm in Days, I don't really listen to Talks. But last Saturday, for some reason I sat on Theo's talk. Which I later found out that he's talk was about "The arlt of christian decision-making". He said in his final statement that if we let fear counquer us or stop us from doing something, we won't be able to appreciate the beauty of it all.

Then at the Grand Mass the priest said that Days is, for staffers, a renewal of their commitment to the Basta Ikaw Lord (BIL) statement. Have you been true to your commitment? Direct hit! This one struck me the most. I haven't proven anything to Him and He is giving me that opportunity.

When Father was blessing Rector and Vice Rec, he said for those who are generous, the Lord gives back to them 10-folds.

And then yesterday, when I read last Saturday's entry in Our Daily Bread the message was: Jesus I will learn from You, Obey You day by day; I'll be your faithful follower and serve You on the way.

I was, and still am, scared of the responsibility. When my rectorship comes, I don't know if I'll be effective. But I realized all my friends believe in me. The Core believes in me. There has been an outpouring of support from Dazers since Sunday. How can I turn my back from all of them? He gave this to me for a reason. A reason that I may not understand now, but I know someday I will. I'm so scared of what will happen but I will leap because I know He'll catch me.

Basta Ikaw Lord!

It's official! My brother is getting married.*sigh*

Yeah, yeah. I know I wrote about that a lot of times already. But during those times it wasn't out in the open yet, which means no one in the family knew but me. Last Sunday, he told dade about it, and soon it will leak out to our relatives.

Actually, he proposed twice to his girlfriend. Sigurista. hehehe. First was in 2005 but there was no bling involved. The first time he told me, I kept saying "Oh no! Oh shit!". He asked why, nothing big it just means I have to fix my finances. Oh yes dear! You have to quit making unnecessary expenses because all those bills have no place else to go. It's not really that big is it?

Last December, he made the real proposal. He showed me the ring before he did and it was beautiful. There was no grand display of fireworks or cheesy dialogues during the proposal, it was all natural...no preservatives, no MSG (Sorry. Sorry. Got carried away). It was very spontaneous which is all right by me (sa`yo nagpropose? hehe). What matters is that they love each other and that they promise to take care of each other for the rest of their lives.

Now that it's out , my relatives will focus on my brother and they'd stop bugging me about getting married. Yahoo!!! Breather! Breather!

Last week Rector Paolo asked me to give a Talk at the upcoming YDWTL Weekend. I declined without hesitation. In my heart and in my mind, I knew I wasn't ready for such responsibility. Not yet.


Giving a Talk demands a lot of things from the person giving it. It takes a lot of courage to open up to people you hardly know. You share your life with them hoping that somehow they can learn something from your experiences. And as you do this, you relive the events of your life. You go through it all over again. You fee the joy, the pain, the sorrow and everything else that went with it. You go back to the past and then back to the present. They you try to understand what makes you a better person today. Which do you have more? hope, love, faith, courage or wisdom? Whatever it is, you have to believe that you've become a better person. You have to make your listeners believe that someone better came out of it because that's where they'll get their strength from.


I was going to talk about having a brave heart. I'm not sure why they picked me but I know, for sure, the talk is not for me. I don't know what people see in me that make them think I have a brave heart. I've had so many obstacles in my life but that doesn't mean I survived it all. I have this invisible bag where I put everything in. I carry this bag with me everywhere I go. It's weighing me down and I don't know if I can stand still in the next blow of the wind. I can't talk to them like this.

Pardon my dramatic post...My dad is sick. He's been sick for more than 3 years. Last night I found out that one of his kidneys stopped working. People would tell me "you have to be strong for him". Tell me, how do you do that? How can you be strong for someone? I really want to know because that's the only thing I can do for him now.

A peek at Grey's Anatomy's Season Finale:

Meredith: If you want to break up with me so you can see other women, just do it. Don't tell me you met another woman. Just end it, if that's what you want.

Derek: I can't.

M: Sure you can. This is how it goes. Meredith, I don't want to see you anymore. Meredith, I don't love you anymore.

D: Meredith, I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you. But you're constantly leaving me. You walk away when you want, you come back when you want. Not everyone, but you're friends know that you'll leave me. So I'm asking you, if you don't see a future for us, if you're not in this, please, just end it because I'm in it. Put me out of my misery.

***

Cristina: I can do this, I just had a momentary freak but now I'm fine. I can do this.

Burke: But you don't want to do this. I'm up there waiting for you to come down the aisle and I know you don't want to come. I know you don't want to come but you'd come anyway because you love me. And if I loved you, if I loved YOU. Not the woman that I want you to be or the woman that I hope you'll become, but YOU. If I did I wouldn't be up there waiting for you. I'd be letting you go.

C: I'm wearing the dress. I'm ready and maybe I didn't want to before but I want to now. I really think I want this.

B: I really wish that you didn't think, I wish you knew.

***

Calling on GA fans, please lend me your Season 3 copy.

This one is too good to pass up. I've forwarded copies of this to as many people as I can and I'm posting it here hoping to touch more people.

May it move you to cause change even in the simplest way you know possible. Not every one of us has such radical minds or resources to effect change, but there are some things we can do. So, when you cast your vote please make sure to elect the spirit that will beat the tracks.

My hat's off to you Mikaela Fudolig for your courage and wisdom far better than most of us.

TAKE NOT THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED
by Mikaela Irene Fudolig
BS Physics, Summa Cum Laude
Speech at the Commencement Exercise, UPD
22 April 2007

One of the things that strike me as being very "UP Diliman" is the way UPD students can't seem to stay on the pavement. From every street corner that bounds an unpaved piece of land, one will espy a narrow trail that puts the corner, or leads from it. Every lawn around the buildings sports at least one of these paths, starting
from a point nearest to the IKOT stop and ending at the nearest entry to the building. The trails are beaten on the grass by many pairs of feet wanting to save a fraction of a meter of traveling, no matter that doing so will exact some cost to the shoes, or, to the ubiquitous slippers, especially when the trails are new.

What do these paths say about us, UP students?

One could say that the UP student is enamored with Mathematics and Pythagoras, hence these triangles formed by the pavement and the path. Many among you would disagree.

Others could say that the UP student is naturally countercultural. And the refusal to use the pavement is just one of the myriads of ways to show his defiance of the order of things. This time, many would agree.

Still, others will say that the UP student is the model of today's youth: they want everything easier, faster, now. The walkable paths appeal to them because they get to their destination faster, and presumably, with less effort. Now that is only partly true, and totally unfair.

These trails weren't always walkable. No doubt they started as patches of grass, perhaps overgrown. Those who first walked them must have soiled their shoes, stubbed their toes, or had insects biting their legs, all in the immovable belief that the nearest distance between two points is a straight line. They might even have seen snakes cross their paths. But the soiled footwear, sore toes, and itchy legs started to conquer the grass. Other people, seeing the yet faint trail, followed. And as more and more walked the path, the grass gave in and stopped growing altogether, making the path more and more visible, more and more walkable.

The persistence of the paths pays tribute to those UP students who walked them first - the pioneers of the unbeaten tracks: the defiant and curious few who refuse the familiar and comfortable; the out-of-the-box thinkers who solve problems instead of fretting about them; the brave who dare do things differently, and open new opportunities to those who follow.

They say how one behaved in the past would determine how he behaves in the future. And as we leave the University, temporarily or for good, let us call on the pioneering, defiant, and brave spirit that built the paths to guide us in this next phase of our life.

We have been warned time and again. Our new world that they call "adulthood" is one that's full of compromises, where success is determined more by the ability to belong than by the ability to think, where it is much easier to do as everyone else does. Daily we are bombarded with so much news of despair about the state of our nation, and the apparent, perverse sense of satisfaction our politicians get from vilifying our state of affairs. It is fashionable to migrate to other countries to work in deceptively high-paying jobs like nursing and teaching, forgetting that even at their favored work destinations, nurses and teachers are some of the lowest paid professionals. The lure of high and immediate monetary benefits in some low-end outsourcing jobs has drawn even some of the brightest UP students away from both industry and university teaching to which they would have been better suited.

Like the sidewalks and pavement, these paths are the easiest to take.

But, like the sidewalks and pavement, these paths take longer to traverse, just as individual successes do not always make for national progress. The unceasing critic could get elected, but not get the job done. The immigrant could get his visa, but disappear from our brainpower pool. The highly paid employee would be
underutilized for his skills, and pine to get the job he truly wants, but is now out of his reach. And the country, and we, are poorer because of these.

Today, the nation needs brave, defiant pioneers to reverse our nation's slide to despair. Today, we must call upon the spirit that beat the tracks. Today, we must present an alternative way of doing things.

Do NOT just take courage, for courage is not enough. Instead, be BRAVE! It will take bravery to go against popular wisdom, against the clichéd expectations of family and friends. It will take bravery to gamble your future by staying in the country and try to make a prosperous life here. It might help if for a start, we try to see why our Korean friends are flocking to our country. Why, as many of us line up for immigrant visas in various embassies, they get themselves naturalized and settle here. Do they know something we don't?

Do NOT just be strong in your convictions, for strength is not enough. Instead, DEFY the pressure to lead a comfortable, but middling life. Let us lead this country from the despair of mediocrity. Let us not seek to do well, but strive to EXCEL in everything that we do. This, so others will see us as a nation of brains of the highest quality, not just of brawn that could be had for cheap.

Take NOT the road less traveled. Rather, MAKE new roads, BLAZE new trails, FIND new routes to your dreams. Unlike the track-beaters in campus who see where they're going, we may not know how far we can
go. But if we are brave, defiant searchers of excellence, we will go far. Explore possibilities, that others may get a similar chance. I have tried it myself. And I'm speaking to you now.

But talk is cheap, they say. And so I put my money where my mouth is. Today, I place myself in the service of the University, if it will have me. I would like to teach, to share knowledge, and perhaps to be an example to new UP students in thinking and striving beyond the limits of the possible. This may only be a small disturbance in the grass. But I hope you'll come with me, and trample a new path.

Good evening, everyone.

Every morning, I make it a point to leave the house before 7am to avoid heavy traffic along EDSA. During this time, the drive from my house to Ortigas is a breeze. I would encounter slight traffic in Cubao but it's smooth sailing the rest of the way. This particular morning, at 10 minutes before 7am, traffic was moving slowly 100 meters from the foot of Quezon Avenue flyover. At 10 before 7am, there's already a long queue of cars on EDSA. My usual 20 minutes drive became 45 minutes.

There were no accidents, no stalled vehicle, no road under repair...just a long convoy of cars carrying banners of some Patrylist running for office. They were motor-cading along EDSA...during rush hour, on a work day. How can these people be so inconsiderate? I would understand a motorcade on EDSA, but come on when everybody is rushing to work. Duh?!

What's more irritating is that it was a looonnnggg convoy. I drove side by side with them from Quezon Ave. up until Ortigas flyover. And just when I thought I was moving with the lead, I heard on the radio that he/she also saw the convoy at Magallanes. The kicker of them all is that when I was in Quezon Ave, I also saw the convoy running on the opposite direction. What do these people want to prove?

Question, are campaign vehicles exempted from Color Coding? Because I thought I saw two cars in that convoy who aren't supposed to be on the road today. I had to check my memory. 1-2 off the road on Mondays, therefore 3-4 off the road on Tuesdays.

I hope they don't get voted in.

Things you should know about me...

1. I’m a cry-baby.
2. I love stars and moon.
3. I love full or crescent moon.
4. I’m addicted to Badminton
5. I'm most comfortable when I’m wearing shorts, plain shirt and flipflops.
6. I’m a shopaholic.
7. Being late is a major turn off for me.
8. I love my coffee black (with sugar). Latte is my second pick.
9. When I travel, I don’t fail to bring along Cams (Canon Ixus) and Sabrina (Ipod Nano) – they’re my travel companions.
10. I hate waiting.
11. I'm friendly.
12. I hate being shouted at.
13. I love my mom. I never stopped loving her.
14. I’m super malambing to the point that some guys misinterpret it as flirting.
15. I can be a brat.
16. I love to travel.
17. Bora is my summer getaway.
18. No time for bullshit. I’d rather that you be straightforward.
19. I dislike pretentious people.
20. Dirty nails are a turn off.
21. I love Kurant.
22. I could eat pizza and pasta the whole day and not get tired of it.
23. I can cook Nilagang Baka, Sinigang, Kaldereta, Pesto, Spaghetti and Carbonara.
24. My brother loves my Spaghetti and I love that he loves it. :-)
25. I have low pain threshold.
26. I cry every time I watch If Only and A Walk to Remember.
27. In my entire life, I’ve only cheated once (to my partner that is).
28. I’m a runaway bride.
29. When I miss my dad, I hug him so tight and stay beside him for most of the day.
30. I enjoyed watching Wowowee when I was in the hospital. The things you enjoy when you're bored.
31. I’m a procrastinator.
32. I always want my glass full.
33. I have 15 pairs of shoes, but I only get to use 4.
34. I’ve only been out of the country once…I’m going out again this October (to Bangkok).
35. I have three bestfriends…but Michelle has been more in touch than the other two.
36. I’m a gym buff.
37. I’m saddened by the fact that my brother’s getting married and moving out of the house.
38. I’m touchy.
39. I like hugging people, it’s my way of showing my love for them love.
40. A man in a slightly fitted polo, jeans and leather shoes appeals to me. :-)
41. I want my man to always smell good.
42. I’m moody and overly sensitive.
43. I love tulips and carnation.
44. I'd prefer dry over wet season.
45. I like Go Nuts better than Krispy Kreme.
46. I’m currently watching Prison Break, Heroes, Grey’s Anatomy and Ugly Betty.
47. I think I will be a strict mom.
48. I’m very protective of my friends.
49. I think my life's mission is to listen to my friends who are broken-hearted.
50. I'm scared of looking out the window at night.
51. I love surprises as much as I love surprising people.
52. I always look forward to my birthday because it's my day. I enjoy the perks I get because it's my birthday.
53. I get hyperacidic with soda.
54. I hardly eat pork.
55. I love the beach.
56. My idea of a beautiful day is hanging out at the beach, feeling the warmth of the sun while savoring a delectable fruitshake.
57. Kare-kare is irresistible.
58. I don't have a credit card. Yiheee!!!!
59. I took my MBA in 2002, but I haven't taken my OCE which is the only requirement I need to graduate.
60. I have a crush...But I won't tell who it is. =P
61. I've been single for almost two years and I'm getting used to it. hahaha
62. I'm a couch potato.
63. I want to stop smoking.
64. I miss my mom.
65. My dream local getaway is Amanpulo.
66. I'm not the type who runs after a lost love.
67. If you don't like me, I don't like you either.
68. Give me a jigsaw puzzle and I'll finish it in less than a week.
69. I listen to James Ingram, Barry Manilow and Air Supply when I was young.
70. I think it sucks that women can't go after who they really like.
71. I value respect.
72. I'm so afraid of hurting/disappointing the people who love me.
73. Because I'm used to being single, I tend to drive my suitors away.
74. I'm a cynic, which sometimes affects my judgement of what is real and otherwise.
75. I am friends with my exes. Is that bad?
76. I believe that HE has one big plan for us and that things happen for a reason.
77. I love Paulo Coelho. His books enrich my soul.
78. I love singing for HIM.
79. I've always wanted to go on vacation alone. But I still haven't found that perfect place to go to. I think all of us owe it to ourselves to have that time alone.
80. I love my Kenzo perfume.
81. I'm very trusting to my friends.
82. I can't eat and read at the same time.
83. I wanted to become a flight attended but they said I am short by 3 inches. hehehe
84. I don't think I will ever have the abs I want no matter how hard I try.
85. I love my family.
86. I'm OC when it comes to my clothes.
87. I despise people who doubt my character.
88. My childhood friends (mostly boys) treat me as one of the boys. But when I introduced my boyfriend to them, they become very protective. Threatening to hurt the guy if he cheats on me.
89. I used to down 7 bottles in one night and go home as if nothing happened. If I do that now, I won't be able to make it home safe.
90. I want to start diving but I'm constraint financially.
91. Happiness is a state of mind.
92. I give my 100% to the one I love.
93. Depression is my PMS.
94. I can't drink without smoking.
95. I think Spiderman 3 is funny.
96. I mean what I say.
97. I'm easy to please.
98. I laugh at the silliest jokes.
99. When I say I will be there, I will be there.
100. I'm all these and a lot more.

Right now I'm nauseous, groggy, I have a congested nasal and I'm taking two different types of medicine for some weird illness that I don't freaking know where I got.

God send me relief.

Pain and sorrow go hand in hand with true love.
For love is never ideal but real.
So don't even wonder what heartaches are for...

Remember City of Angels?

"When it hurts, its real."