The Story of my Life

I turned 27...yeah shut up! hehehe...I turned 27 and celebrated it with my drinking buddies in Juliano's. It was a hat party...so everyone was required to come with their fabulous hats.

Early in the night, I thought only few people would come. Thank God, Guia, Joena and Ice entertained me (shouldn't it be the other way around?!). Guia was really funny, she kept wagging her fingers (imagine a fish flipping their fins) to match her Nemo hat, and her face?! Priceless! Sobrang funny...she would pass as an autistic hahahaha... Joena for her part played as the fortune-teller-slash-bading friend. Her every witty comments made all of us laugh. Si Ice? What did he do ba? Nothing really spectacular. Oh, I know, he was the willing victim of Guia and Joena. These two girls were flirting with Ice the whole night, trying to seduce him. Kidding! (Joena/Gs, don't kill me. hehe)

This is us playing with the camera...Picture 1: Notice how Flow controls show off her serious look (Something wrong with your tummy Flow?); Picture 2: I'm trying so hard to be serious...pout your lips honey!!!; and finally, Picture 3: Give your best smile!

Anyway, Lou, as her usual self entertained everyone with her sculling (did I spell it right?) flair. Beat Lucy on the first round and Jay for the second round. She finished while Jay was half-way his glass. TRIVIA: Lou just came back from Cebu the nigh before. She was telling everyone that she's been sober for a month. Feeling daw nya, she lost it (drinking that is)...So this is what you call "I lost it." Hhhmmm....

This is a post from http://www.peyups.com written by Amie. I love this article, its as if Amie knew what was happening to me...So, Amie, wherever you are...thanks for writing this. Borrow ko lang ha.

I can sssoooo relate. Read on...

But the stars can't be around all the time. The past few days have been terribly rainy; clouds covered the sunshine during the day, and kept the stars hidden during the night. Where are the stars now that I need them? All I can feel is the rain, pouring like teardrops from heaven. I could hear the rhythm of raindrops, the burst of water falling from the sky. Like tears overflowing, it's like the angels above are feeling my pain.

The nights had been starless.

Everytme I need hope or encouragement, I would stand by the doorway, light a cigarette and look up at the stars. It somehow makes me feel that there is a wonderful world out there, that life is beautiful. Something about the way they flicker in the dark night has this weird way of comforting the aching soul.

I had seen it coming. I knew that once I fall, it would be a lot harder to get up. But I dared to dive. I had dared to venture into that deep forest where there might be no turning back once I get lost. And I am now lost. I'm going round in circles, trying to find my way out, only to realize that I've been going around the same places for so many times. It was my fault. I had ignored the signs. I ran towards the direction where my feet took me, where the wind blew. It was a move I had dared to take, and I can't blame anyone, not even myself for it.

The rain poured the whole day as if it never wanted to stop. That night I was with him and some friends, I looked up at the overcast sky, trying to find a star--just one star, one sign that could tell me that this will get to something. All I needed was one star, one last string of hope I can hold on to. But the heavens have failed me.

Last night, as I was standing in the middle of an empty parking lot, I finally found my star. Not just one, but two, then three, and before I knew it, hundreds of stars were all shining again for me. After those turbulent, stormy days, the stars were there again. The night wasn't perfectly starry, but at least they were there. And as I look out at the window overlooking the Makati skyline on a beautiful saturday morning like this, I know the rainy days are over, at least for today.

I love to see the ocean's beauty
And the moon that shines above
Alone in the sand looking at the stars
Wishing someday I would find true love
Would it be nice to see the morning
With the one you love the most
Would it be nice to say goodnight
To the one you hold so close
To your heart
To your heart

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hope it'll find its way to you
wherever you are

I love to sit in fields of green
Looking deeply through the sky
Watching birds as they fly by
Hoping someday fate will bring me true love
Would it be nice to hold someone
So dear, near your heart
Would it be nice to hear those words
I love you from the one that you love

I'd love to see myself one day
In the arms of someone
Who will share her life with me
selflessly...someoday...
You will find your way...to me...

Hope you find your way back...

Another summer day
is come and gone away
in Paris and Rome
But I wana go home

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmm...I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you coud not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
An gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It'll all be all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

...the pain lingers.

I took a brave move to forgive the person who has done me wrong. I wanna move on in peace. "I don't want to bring this grudge with me everyday", I said. I don't wanna wake up every morning with hatred in my heart.

"Holding anger is poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves."

Everybody deserves to be forgiven. I told myself I can never forgive him. I told myself I will never give you the peace you need to be happy. You cannot be happy as long as I'm hurting. But I guess, I'm not really cut out like that...everybody deserves to be forgiven. "Thank you," he said. Go get your peace and work on your happiness.

"Lost love is still love. It takes a different form. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. When those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it...you hold it...you dance with it."

CAUTION: If you're not into mushy struff, move one to the next page...there's nothing here for you.


Love has once again changed my life (yeah I know...I never really explicitly said I was in love. Guess I was still testing the waters). After what I've been through in the past, I've closed my mind and my heart to the possibility of falling in love the same way I've done before. I've been a cynic...a man-hater of some sort...questioned every man who walks into my life...turned down every chance to fall in love.

Then, unexpectedly, lightning struck. And all of a sudden, I found myself in love much more than I loved before...for someone like me, it was an overwhelming feeling. So I seized the day. I took the plunge despite knowing that I was in for a lot of trouble. You know what, it was just so ironic...that despite knowing I'd get hurt with this person, it just felt so good and so right loving him. I knew I was gonna get hurt because I know he's gonna leave me in a few months. But I seized the day even more...I wanted to enjoy it for as long as it lasts. Because afer a long time, I looked at love positively. Because after a long time, I felt I can entrust myself, my future...and my lifetime to this person. Because after hiding from my shell, I finally found the courage to step out of it and risk everything.

But as they say, even fairy tales have their endings, happy or otherwise. This one ended in quite an unexpected manner. Was I mad? Yes I was. Was I hurt? You can't imagine how hurt I was. Not the worst I guess, but it sure did leave a heavy mark.

I asked why...told myself I don't deserve this. Why did it happen to me again? Don't you guys ran out of things to hurt me? I am so fragile, didn't you even consider that? But now, I've stopped questioning. Because the answer is simple...I was at the right place but in the wrong time. Everything was just bad timing.

Oh well, that's life. I hurt less now. I can sleep well at night. But I haven't forgotten, nor have I forgiven. I know I will one day.

Love til hurts...if it hurts, love some more...if still hurts, love some more...love til it hurts no more.

"Sometimes when you sacrifice something serious, you're not losing it...you're just passing it on to someone else."

Was browsing through my phone and I read this message that was sent to me way-way back. Sharing it with everyone. Its good...makes a lot of sense...

"It has been said that when a person you love hurts you seven times, you have to forgive them seventy-seven times. It may sound exaggerated but that is the way love rili is. If we truly love a person, the gravity of his offense wouldn't matter because we still accept that person no matter how much pain his actions have brought us. You never lose hope that someday you could be together again...there's nothing wrong with that. Your love is just so encompassing that you are able to understand his wrong doings and accept his greatest frailties.

We know that you really love him but we have to realize that the love and dedication of just one person aren't enough to keep a relationship. Even if you love him, with all your heart, your relationship will not grow if he doesn't commit to you the same love and dedication that you have unfailingly given him.

Sometimes setting someone free is the only way to prove your love for that person. Only when your love is no longer bound by his commitment to you can you truly tell if he really loves you.

Sometimes you have to let him go and give yourself the chance to start over again. Let's always remember that there is nothing wrong in loving a person with all our heart. But when we allow ourselves to be stuck in that relationship because of someone who doesn't love us enough, then we are bound to miss the opportunity of finding another person who will love us the way we should be loved, and can truly make us happy."

when this f**k*ng paper is over, I will...

1. Sleep the whole day.
2. Hangout with friends.
3. Go out of town.
4. Go back to the gym.
5. Have my hair rebonded.
6. Finish reading Angels and Demons (Gggrrr...its almost a year!).
7. Hangout in SBC to read 11 Minutes (not my StraMa book!).
8. Catch up on my DVDs.
9. Hear mass at Calaruega.
10. Spend QT with...
11. Visit uhum at Pque.
12. Clean my room.
13. Garage sale.
14. Party with my classmates.
15. Shop.
16. Play badminton with the Bigbarks.
17. Food trip at UP.
18. Have a massage.
19. Watch the latest movie.
20. Love.

I'm now in my final year in grad school and this term is making me crazy. I am due to submit my final paper on Aug 17 and I still don't have all the materials I need to complete it. How can the company expect me to provide sound recommendations if they don't give me what I need? Hhhhmmm...I really want to give up but I promised my mom I'll finish this. So, You up there, if you're reading this...please, please, please squeeze out more creative ideas from my head and shower me with your grace...I need it badly!

...:::...

Have you seen "If Only"? If not, boy you're missing a lot. I haven't seen a movie that made me cry that hard. This is better than "the Notebook" I'm telling you. Effect? Makes you appreciate the people you love most. Here are my favorite lines from the movie:

Ian: How can you love someone so much and not know how to love them?
Taxi Driver: Appreciate her and what you have, just love her.

Sam: Death doesn't put an end to love.

Ian: I love you since I met you but I wouldn't allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions out of fear, but today, because of you, because of what I learned from you every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed. And I've learned that if you do that, you're living your life fully. It doesn't matter if you have 5 minutes or 50 years. If not for you, if not for today, I would never have learned love at all. So thank you for being the person who taught me to love, and be loved.

...:::...

My song now...

you caught me by surprise
I ask you to believe me
without a lie
we'll never have to say or feel we're sorry
dont say we're sorry
soon you'll see

I'm learning
I'm learning you now

Stars fading
free falling into you

this time I'm sure what I'm looking for
and that's what I want you to know
And I won't ever let you go

And I'm ready for you now
be ready for me now
Show me love

Currently playing...

Tagged by Aileen (a.k.a. Meyj)

If I could be in one place right now...
i'd be in Boracay (yeah...even if its raining...I'd still want to be in Boracay!)

If I could give something to myself, to my friends
MYSELF: A brand new car...a Mazda 3 please!
MY FRIENDS: The deepest desires of their heart

If I could take some people somewhere
I'd bring them to paradise (can't think of any...hehehe)

If I could make one dream come true
I'd make all my loved ones happy

If I could do real magic
I'd relieve every frog of their spell in the hope of finding my prince. hehehe

I tag Ria and Maya...wala nang iba eh. hehehe

A good friend of mine is leaving for Thailand this June. I'm excited and happy for him because I know this is what he's been trying to achieve ever since I met him. Flip was always on the lookout for job opportunities here and abroad...hoping to finally land the job that will satisfy his intellectual and financial needs. His patience paid off really well.

Anyway, we prepared something for Flip and part of it was a message from each one of us. Mine turned out to be a letter...hehehe

Here goes...

Dearest Flip,

For the couple of years we've been friends, you've witnessed most of the major events in our life. And in all those occasions, I never felt you left me. Thank you for everything. I may not have expressed my gratitude in the best way I can but I truly appreciate having you as my friend. Thank you for being such an asswipe on our first lunchout (because of that I realized...mata mo nga lang talaga ang maliit sa`yo...)- ->Senseless to? Why did I write this?...Thank you for allowing me to mingle with your friends and for introducing Sidebar (ngayon, mas madalas na akong pumupunta dun kesa sa`yo). Thank you for accepting my katangahan pagdating sa pag-ibig...for letting me do my thing even if you know it will only hurt me in the end. Thank you for listening to all my stories even if it's about the same person (I know you got tired at some point...I can't blame you. Kahit ako minsan napapagod din.) Thank you for sharing with me my life's little victories. Thank you for putting up with my eccentricities and kasungitan. Thank you for being brutally honest when you see that I'm about to make another stupid decision. Thank you for all your opinions...kahit na alam natin pareho that's where we get into trouble at kahit alam natin na WE DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE AN OPINION. Thank you for trusting me with all your secrets, the same way that I trust you with mine...and most importantly, thank you for visitng me that fateful morning at UST. That made me realize our friendship goes beyond our gimmicks...That and all others make-up our friendship. I know this is nothing compared to what you've shared with your other friends, but that's irrelevant now. What's important for me is that, somehow, we shared a few memorable times together...

Even if you're just starting to reach the next milestone of your life, I want to congratulate you already. I've always believed in you (eventhough its not obvious...hehehe). Even in the midst of conflicts and near-quitting episodes (hehehehe), you always manage to stand out and put in excellent work. I hope you learn to let go of your emotions. Feel happy when you're happy. Tell the world that you're happy when you really are. There's no sense of containing your happiness...you're only depriving yourself of what was freely given to you by Jess. To let it out is to show Jess and the whole world that you appreciate His blessings for you...and contrary to your belief...failures, sufferings and disappointments are not payments in exchange for the happiness given to you. They are blessings in disguise...they make us stronger and wiser individuals. They brought us to where we are now.

Jess has given you so many blessings. All the things you've always wanted are given to you one by one. You have to nurture it, share it (pasalubong! sampaloc lang! hehehe) and be thankful for it. Not so many people are as blessed as you are. Love? hhhmmm...it will come, also when you least expect it. It will come when you're ready. It will come to each one of us, in His perfect time. Aren't you convinced yet? All that you prayed for were given to you...(UP Masters, Guam racket, and now Thailand)...we just have to wait for His perfect time? He's preparing the right person for you. Pinapapayat lang nya, sabi mo kasi ayaw mo ng mataba...(you're so mean!) Seriously, I know you'll find her soon. =)

Here's to the fulfillment of our dreams and the answers to our prayers!

I'm in a daze...In October, I prayed deeply for something to come my way which will mark the start of a new chapter in my life. And in the most unexpected moment...I came face to face with the sign. Suddenly, I began questioning the validity of this sign....suddenly, questions started popping out. Is this real? How could you have known that was the one I needed? What brought you to me? Why now? Is this our fate?

Its just so strange that this has to happen at the time I was ready to give it a pass. Now, I couldn't let it go because He gave me a bunch of reason not to...So who am I not to reconsider? I asked for this and now that its here, won't you take it? My mind believes I should, but my heart tells me otherwise...

"You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.

Everyday, God gives us the sun - and also one moment in which we have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy. Everyday, we try to pretend that we haven't perceived that moment, that it doesn't exist - that today is the same as yesterday and will be the same tomorrow. But if people really pay attention to their everyday lives, they will discover the magic moment. It may arrive in the instant when you are doing something mundane, like putting our front-door key in the lock; it may lie hidden in the quiet that follows the lunch hour or in the thousand and on things that ll seem the same to us. But that moment exist - a moment when all the power of the stars becomes a part of us and enables us to perform miracles.

Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest. Our magic moment helps us to change and sends us off in search of our dreams. Yes, we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments - but all of this is transitory; it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken.

Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she will hear her heart saying "what have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you? You buried yourself ina cave because you were feaful of losing those talents. So this is your heritage: the certainty that you wasted your life.

Pitiful are the people who must realize this. Because when they are finally able to believe in miracles, their life's magic moments will have already passed them by." ---By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept (Paulo Coelho)

I learned about this poem from Aileen...Thanks Ai. For those who are trying to shut doors...

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.
If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time,
we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages
we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters...
whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past
the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end?
Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad?
Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out
why certain things that were so important and so solid on your life
have turned into dust, just like that...

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved:
your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister,
everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life,
and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time,
not evern when we try to understand the things that happened to us.
What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children,
late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents,
lovers who day and night relieve an affair with someone who has gone away
and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important to really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe) to destroy souvenirs,
move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or doante books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world,
of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means
making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win
and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return,
do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, you genius to be discovered,%0

I've finished watching the complete season of SATC and I must say...Kudos to the writer! Very witty and entertaining...

So while I'm high with an SATC fever, here are some learnings from the funny series I got from the mail:

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't, nothing can make him stay. (Face it sweety, he's just not into you!)
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.
4. Allow you intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
6. Don't force an attraction.
7. Slower is better.
8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't be friends! A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
11. Don't settle.
12. If you fel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship - - thake that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
14. Don't stay because you thing "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't invovled in a whole lot of mess.
16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.
18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would you he treat you any differently?
19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.
21. Always have your own set of firneds separate rom his.
22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
23. If he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.
24. Be honest and upfront.
25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.
26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role." Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).
27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.
29. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself --double-standard.
31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
32. Don't make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you.
34. Don't compete with other women, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you fee he's lying, let him go.
36. Actions speak louder than words.
37. Never let a man define who you are.
38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
39. Never borrow someone else's man.
40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.
42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.
43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.
44. Love is a verb...
45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungving-giving, and someone unloving-loving....(They are what they are and it takes a hell of a lot to make them change.)
46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
47. All men are NOT dogs.
48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
49. If you don't love yourself...you can't love anyone else.
50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.
51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship...(believe me...this means a lot!)
52. You should neverl look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complementary...not supplementary.
53. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. (Yez...dating is REALLY fun!)
54. Never give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
55. Never become your man's "therapist".
56. When actions and word confilct, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
57. A real health relationship requires two people. One person can end it - but it takes two to make it work.
58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for you. (You hit the bull's eye honey!)
59. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
60. Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you. You can't force a man to hang out with you.
61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him, you shouldn't.
62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
63. Never move into his mother's house.
64. Provide financially for yourself an don't depend on anyone.
65. Never co-sign for a man.
66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent. (...there are ogres lying underneath just waiting for the right time. hahaha)
67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.
68. Never let a man mess up your credit.
69. When it's time to let go; let go. (There yah go Flip!)
70. Goo men should be treate like good men.
71. Don't play games. (...you can't play.)
72. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
73. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. (translation: Have a life!)
74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, belief, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important. (...but does not mean everything.)
75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts. (He's gay! hehehehe)

I'm so glad the term is finally over. I get to do the things I love doing. Went back on track to working out. Started hanging out with my friends again...And starting to catch up with my DVDs.

Just last week, I watched Hitch, and lemme say...the movie was HILARIOUS! Was laughing the whole night. Will Smith rocks talaga! he never ceases to amuse me with his antics. He's a natural. Great at what he does. Have you seen Shark Tale? Funny...funny...funny...

Anyway, my friend recommended this movie. She said it was "our" movie. True enough, the movie is indeed for cynics like (us)me. Have I admitted that I'm a cynic? Actually, I'm still in the border line of being cynical. A part of me is screaming cynical. But deep inside...the person that I really am...tells me otherwise.

I've come to believe that men are incapable of long-lasting-deep relationships. They only love the excitement of the chase...cause when they're in it, they're completely different...The sweet, caring, thoughtful, and loving guy you knew has been swallowed alive by an ugly and stinking Ogre. Hahahaha...Poof! Vanished into thin air. Time to say goodbye to your fatasies sweety. Your prince charming has decided he wants to be a frog again. hahahaha

The other side of me believes there are some knight-in-shining-armor-wannabees out there. Wandering. Burned like me(hopefully not a cynic like me as well). Lucky you if you end up with someone like Alex Hitchens who believes that simply being fine isn't good enough. The person that I am tells me that I can fall in love with someone like Hitch...I can fall in love much more than I did the last time...The person that I am tells me I still wana leap and hope to God that I can fly.

So, am I a cynic or not?

My favorite lines from the movie:

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away."

~o0o~

Sarah: Let's just move on with our lives and we'll be fine.
Hitch: What if fine isn't good enough?

~o0o~

"Every guy has a legitimate chance of sweeping a woman off her feet, you just gotta find the right broom."

~o0o~

Two weekends ago, I went to Galera with my brother and his friends. It was a relaxing trip. Not the usual all-night-partying beach trips I always have when I'm with my friends. This one was a "I came here to sleep" kind of trip. hahahaha

We got there around 7am. Had our henna, and then slept the entire afternoon...Went out for a few drinks after dinner then head home to sleep again after a glass of tequila sunrise. I must say I was, again, a party pooper. Oh btw, I brought my bestfriend with me and it was her first Galera visit. So you can just imagine how irritated she was with me that we didn't party like crazy considering it was her first visit. As much as I'd really want to party hard, I'm sorry but I really feel I'm getting old for that kinda stuff. hehehe...Naaahhh...I was just really tired. I'll make it up to you bestfriend.

Anyway, Galera is not the same Galera I used to go to. It was jam-packed! You can hardly find a nice spot to sun-bathe. At night, the bars are crowded. Boats were everywhere...how the hell can you swim when there are about a dozen of boats docked in the swimming area?! Eazy!

We went snorkling sunday morning. For the first time, I enjoyed it. Was able to overcome my fear of drowning. hehehe...There's not much good stuff to see in Galera, not as much as Bora...hope we go snorkling again when we go back to Bora.

My brother really proved he is my "BIG BROTHER". Took care of us the entire trip...even financially. Hehehe...sarap ng may kuya. Incidentally, this is the first time we went to the beach together. So, its also his first time to see me in my bathing suit. hehehe...Kuya, are you surprised at how big your sister has grown? =) And because my brother was always around, I had to sneak out just so I can smoke...man that was difficult! Some sacrifice huh...

So there goes the story of my 2nd beach escapade. In case u are wondering what my brother looks like, spot the biggest person in this picture and you'll see he really is a big brother...=)




Oh btw, before I forget...u saw my henna on the chest? Can I just say...my heart was pounding twice its normal speed when that was being done...Hehehehe...Awkward grabe!

Ciao!

as promised, here are some of our photos from our latest beach escapade:

FIRST DAY: Travel Time
Departed Manila - approximately 2:oo pm
Arrived Kalibo - approximately 3:30 pm

Henna time and party til 4:00 am....



about to get off the plane...




first night on the beach...



dinner at Pier One

~o0o~

SECOND DAY: Beach Time
On to the Beach by 10:00 am
Lunch at Steak House
Volleyball game with locals...hahaha
Last night partying at Cocomangas


the Beachaholics


lou and me



ssshhh....espasol ako



right after that luscious meal at Steak House



on to volleyball...ang pumalag patay!



playing with the sunset...

~o0o~

and the ultimate beachaholic of all...the little mermaid!!!!



and this is one hell of a miracle...ang galing ng photographer! Thanks Shelley!




~o0o~

last night...ang mga ibang utaw...kumota! hahaha

There is such a thing as free lunch.

My classmates and I had a boring class last saturday. We haven't had lunch together for 3 weeks so we all decided to treat ourselves to a nice meal at The Old Spaghetti House.

Chickahan and all...shared stories about our respective dates. And after exhausting all our kwentos, we were still bored and sleepy. So we decided it was time to wrap it up and just head home. We got the bill from the server and we were shocked after being told that.."Ma'am, okay na po ang bill nyo." Somebody paid for our bill!!!

And that did it...the boring lunch, turned out to be an exciting one. Sleepy? None of us were sleepy. Nobody wanted to go home. And because we didn't pay for anything, we decided to have coffee just so we could spend for something. hehehe

So, who is this mysterious guy trying to play tricks on me...As I was told, this guy paid for our bill because I looked familiar to him (yeah right!). Left ONLY his number....there yah go, some tricks men play. I assume he knew that picking up someone in a restaurant, in broad daylight, won't work. And what would be a good way? Pay for their lunch and just leave your number...of course, after a free lunch, it would be rude not to say thank you. So there, I texted him to say thank you...and gave away my number. Hahahaha...

Okay, so just so you know...This guy does not, in any way, look familiar to me.

Anyway, the style was really something...and what made it even more daring is this guy was with his girlfriend at that time! So, while his girlfriend was in the powder room trying to look good for him, this guy was giving instructions to the server and pointing at my direction (yeah, he was. I saw him from my peripheral.hehehe). Meeeennnn!!!!

I'm so amazed, not that I was kilig or anything, but because this is new to me. I've never given my number to a complete stranger. But this guy...left me with no choice. I had to give it to him. But it's all cool. Had a free lunch anyway. hehehe

He tried to call me. But I didn't take the call. I felt that, that would be way to far. I thanked him for the lunch and I think that would be enough. My friends told me I should text back and just play along. Get to know him or something...But I'm sorry....call me boring or whatever you want, but its just not my style. I won't go for it.

Makes me think again...how can some men be such a player? Aren't there decent men left? How do men manage to play around when they're committed....hhhmmm...

Spent the long weekend in Bora. It was a blast...as always! =) A lot of things happened. I can't tell you though...Cause happened in Bora, stays in Bora. Hahahaha..what a teaser! Let's just say, our two new Bora buddies hooked up with Anemals...este "Alemans". hehehehe...Others, where just there rekindling the memories of our very first Bora escapade.

I had fun too. Enjoyed the sun. Made love with the camera. =) Enjoyed Jonah's shake. Gave in to Illusion shaker. Danced to my heart's desire...I feel like I'm a different person when I'm in Bora. I lose all my inhibitions and sanity. hehehe Carefree...wild...naughty...daring...hahahaha...I love bora!

Anyway, Bora brought back memories of the person I met there. And as I told Lou and Anna, I sort of missed him. The pick-up line, the "water", the small talks, and the panghahalay at pag-aalaga, and the post-bora messages. Fun memories. I'd be a hypocrite not to admit that Bora wouldn't be as much fun had I not bumped into this guy. It was a trip to remember indeed...Although, I violated the bora golden rule: "whatever happens in bora, stays in bora"...and brought it to Manila. The rest is history.

Now, that would just be a part of the entire Bora experience. A lot of things happened this year. For me, it was a trip to memory lane and once again...a trip to insanity. heheheh

I'll post photos later.

I'm moving forward. Today is my last day in OER, where I spent my first two years in ADB. From External Relations, I'm moving to Legal Operations. Hhhhmmm...two different field of work. Well, its okay. At least now, I got a regular post.

I'm both happy and sad. Happy that finally I got a regular jog in ADB. I'm sure mom's proud of me now. Mom, is this enough to compensate for being naughty in the past? hehehe....Sad becuase I'm leaving OER. The people I worked with here are amazing. Relationship is founded on respect, understanding, cooperation, and love. We're such a small department, compared to the others in the bank. But I can say that being small allows you to mingle more with people. I love the people here. I've never worked for anybody who has this kind of harmonious relationship. I'm surely gonna miss the people.

As I was packing my things, I dawned on me that this is indeed real. And I suddenly felt nervous. I'm nervous cause I don't know what's instore for me. I don't know who I'm gonna be with and what its like up there.

Nervous because, I really find it difficult adjusting. I'm the type of person who hates changing environment. When I get used to something, I find it hard to change it or leave it or move on to another place. That's why, I hangout only in places I feel most comfortable staying. I'm not the type who would go to different places. If I do that, it usually takes a lot of time and a lot of convincing. hehehe Other times, I do it because I've no choice. Notice that I use the same bag and shoes most of the time...when I change it, its because I'd look like an idiot if I don't. hahaha Notice also, that I shop only in places near to me...Drink in Sidebar or in Timog (places near to me, as well)...Hangout with the same friends...Eat in the same restaurant, and order the same food every time. =)

I hate changing...aaamm...hate is such a strong word. Sige...I just don't like changing. I sort of built a comfort zone around me. It gives me the feeling that when I'm within my comfort zone there's no risk of whatever. I'll surely love the food I order... I'll find what I need to buy... I'll feel confident wearing this or that...Etc...Get my point? hehehehe...

Anyway, I think I need to do something about that. Because change is inevitable. And if I want to enjoy life, I have to explore the world. hahaha...Ciao!

Some songs I've been listening to lately:

::..Broken by You..::
First lonely night
what will I do
I feel my heart breaking in two
I'm such a fool
When will I learn
I fell so deep
Then I got burned

If you gave me just one reason why
My heart just might let go
Maybe one day I will fall In love again
But for now, I'll just leave my heart in two

If I never fall in love again
If I never touch your skin again
If I never feel again this way
If I never see another day
Remember me
Remember this
'Cause one thing that will never change
Is the feeling in my heart
so broken by you.

::..Both Sides Now..::
I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
from up and down, and still somehow
it's could illusions I recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud, to say "I love you" right out loud,
dreams and schemes and circus crowds,
I've looked at life this way.
But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

::..How could you say you love me..::
How can you hurt me this way
Everthing I knew was loving you
How could you try pretending

How, how could you say you love me
When you will go and leave me
How could you make me hurt so bad
When I have loved you more than anyone can do
Can't believe the pain
That I'm feeling now because of loving you

::..Galileo..::
How long `til my soul gets it right?
Could any human being ever reach that kind of light?
I call on the resting soul of Galileo
King of night vision, king of insight

When shit happens...

I had everything planned last night. After work, I'd go straight to the gym, go home early and read my book (by the way, I'm reading the Alchemist again cause I feel I need to be inspired...I postponed reading Angels and Demons kasi wala lang...lost interest I guess). Anyway, as I was on my way, I couldn't find my car key. I walked to my car hoping that my key's not there, that I left it in my drawer or somewhere...But no!!!!!!! It was there...still stuck in the keyhole! The engine is off, but not the battery...and that was like 12 f***king hours!!!!!!!

Okay...okay...No need to panic Claire. We can get someone to help you open the door. You don't have to wait long. Okay, so I called for help from the bank car staff. But I was referred to Master Lock instead. They said they can fix it in an hour. Wow! Impressive...so how much do I have to pay? "550 ma'am"...huuuuwwwaaaatttthhh!?!?!?!?! No way! (hehehe...yeah kuripot ako!) Instead of spending 550, I decided to wait for my brother to bring the spare key(who at that time wasn't responding to my messages...nag-gym siguro). Because even if Master Lock gets to open the door, the battery would be dead anyway...it wouldn't make things better.

I was settled with the idea that I'll leave my car in the office and just wait for my brother to pick me up. While waiting for him, I stayed in the veranda with RJ and some officemates who were drinking. So I drank. Red wine? "Aaahhh, that's nothing." I thought. So I drank...and drank...and drank...My last glass? I drank it straight cause my brother texted me that he was just a few minutes away.

So...can you guess what happened when I got home? I threw up three times....three times...three freaking times!!!! For a moment there I thought I'd puke my brains out. Hehehehe...exaj! But, yeah, it was really awful. Ang sakit ng tyan ko kagabi at umiikot ang mundo ko!

So there goes the story of my shitty night...Lesson learned? Don't drink Franzia. hahahaha...Naahhh...Drink moderately. That's the lesson.

Ooh..and my car? Up and running.

After having a weird and boring weekend, I just felt I needed a break. So come Monday, instead of going to the gym, I decided to hangout with my officemates. I thought it would be a good idea to do so...especially that they feel I haven't been spending time with them. Its time I make-up for lost times.

I was so in the mood to drink that despite not having enough money to last til the next payday, I bought a bottle of Kurant. It was one hell of a night. I enjoyed their company and not only that, I was able to tell them my frustrations about how I feel they don't understand my situation. Fortunately, they understood. I feel so light now. Thanks Mars, Rj and Edward. Too bad I wasn't able to take pictures.

Incidentally that night was a full moon (did I say it right? how do you even describe a night with a full moon? help!hahaha). I dunno if its the alcohol or the moon, but it made the night more fun...they say that on a full moon people get a little wacko (and that's what it did to me!) I love starry nights (have you seen the sky from the beach? its a winner!) and full/crescent moon ...probably because I have an excuse to become a little crazy... hehe...

I couldn't contain the feeling that night and the next thing I know I was texting my friends, telling them to look at the sky. I was so mesmerized by its beauty. I have never seen it that beautiful. The clouds around it formed one big circle as if protecting the moon from external forces or whatever. hehehe...I'm not a really good writer. I can't describe it. I took a picture of the moon that night but the figure of the clouds circling the moon wasn't clear...

I got this from the e-mail. This speech was mistakenly credited to several people from Baz Luhrman to Kurt Vonnegut. But it was actually written by Mary Schmich, released through Chicago Tribune on 01 June 1997.

Its a good speech. It reminds you of the most essential things in life. Gives you advises on how to cope with life. Read on...

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis or
reliable then then my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice...now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind, you won't understand and
beauty of your yourth until they've faded, but trust me in 20 years,
you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed you worried mind: the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be recless with other people's hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The reace is long, and in the end, its only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive; forget the insults. (If you succeed in doing this, tell me how).

Keep your old love letters; throw away your bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of Calcium. Be kind to your knees -- you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40; maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body: use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it; its the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions (even if you don't follow them).

Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents; you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings: they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but what a precious few should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps and geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Life in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Life in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old; and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse, but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you are 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of wishing the past from the disposal -- wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me, I'm the sunscreen.

Hhhhmmm....Aaaammmm....Haaayyy....I feel so weird. I don't know where this feeling is coming from. I can't keep focus on what I was doing earlier. I don't have the same interest, to study, as I had three weeks earlier. Aaarrrggghhh! Help!

I want to write something. I want to express what I'm feeling but I don't know where to start. I'm bored. I wana go out. I wana have a drink or two. I wana watch a movie. But something else is telling me to stay at home. I feel soooooooo weird!

Anyway, so here goes. I was a bit frustrated with some friends a week ago. I'm pushing my ass to get serious with my studies, work, and with working out. I promised myself that this year, I'd be going out less. Cut down on alcohol and smokies. So, God with all His might, happy that His daughter has finally decided to come home, gave me every reason to do so. Gave me tons of school paper, a series of meetings, and pile of work to be busy with. But when you get so serious doing this stuff and you begin to decline invitations from people whom you used to go out with...what do you get? Nasty comments. Am I just pikon? Or the reactions were really off? For me it was bad. Really off. My point is, school and work is difficult as it is. Don't make it more difficult for me by giving me harsh reactions. The last thing I want is someone telling me "pero pag lalaki." Hell! That was way off.

I told my friend about this and she was helpful. Medyo napacify naman ako. So now, I'm okay. The hell I care about what people say. The hell I care about what you think! I'm gonna do my stuff, and you can't stop me. =)

I went out with an acquaintance the other day. I find it weird at first. Because first, I haven't seen this guy. I've only seen his picture in Friendster. I only talk to him online. We're not even texting or calling each other. I haven't even heard his voice. And the weirdest of all...I'm going out (well, gone out cause it was done) alone with him. Weird because I really don't go out on dates. For some reason, natatakot ako to be alone with someone on the first date. But I went ahead, holding on to the "gasgas" words of my dear friend..."Mag-eenjoy ka sa company niya Claire". And thinking that I could always call for help in case I need one! hehehe

Being the paranoid that I am, I was vigilant (hahaha...wat a word!) all through out...ready to smack this guy on the face, just in case he does something silly. hehehe

Fortunately, he was really nice. Courteous and funny (reeeeaaallly funny). Had dinner at Fat Michael's Place, shared a few cigarette and headed to greenhills to have a few drinks with his friends. Did I say a few drinks? Naaahhh...It wasn't just a few drinks. We drank a lot. And this is just the first date huh? Tsk..tsk..tsk...Bad Girl. Nabigla ata ako sa friends nya when they asked me how much I drink. Nesa I was just kidding when I said I drink 6-7 bottles per gig. hahaha...And that Yero shaker was lethal! It taste good, yeah...but the hangover the next day was awful!

In general, it was a fun night. It didn't turn out disastrous as I thought it would. I think I'll do it again. Without the Yero shaker this time. ;-) hahaha

To cap off our Sidebar stint for the year and to thank the crew for providing excellent service on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday night...(alright...alright...there was a pt. we went there nightly...after a long and exhausting day at work)...we gave away Christmas Hams to 18 hardworking servers.