The Story of my Life

So this is how it feels.

I never understood what people felt when they said they've been called. I thought they were exaggerating. They magnify the situation to lure people into believing. But now I understand.

Camille asked me to be the next Log House, which means I will be Rector three batches from now. When I first heard about it, I was apprehensive and I wanted to decline again. But I thought, I owe myself and Jess some thinking time. It's a big responsibility but it is also an honor.

My thoughts were filled with doubts and questions...more so, of guilt. Jess has been calling me to serve Him and it didn't dawn on me until that night. He already called me when Paolo asked me to give a talk. Whenever I'd think about it, I couldn't help but cry because I know that He wants us to be closer. He's reaching out but I always push Him away. I know I'm getting cheesy here but really if you were there, if you were sitting beside me Saturday night, you'd understand. I felt ashamed of myself.

I didn't ask for signs but He gave several that Weekend to help me decide. Until now, I am still in awe. Overwhelmed. Humbled. Honored. The feeling is inexplicable. He is so great! I know you won't believe me if I tell you that He talked to me. But He really did. He made His presence felt in several ways. That's what I find amazing about the whole experience. I wasn't expecting anything. I was just absorbing the feeling. I was waiting for the idea to consume me until I give in so that it'll be easier to decide. But He sent me something because He knew I don't have a very wise heart. =)

When I'm in Days, I don't really listen to Talks. But last Saturday, for some reason I sat on Theo's talk. Which I later found out that he's talk was about "The arlt of christian decision-making". He said in his final statement that if we let fear counquer us or stop us from doing something, we won't be able to appreciate the beauty of it all.

Then at the Grand Mass the priest said that Days is, for staffers, a renewal of their commitment to the Basta Ikaw Lord (BIL) statement. Have you been true to your commitment? Direct hit! This one struck me the most. I haven't proven anything to Him and He is giving me that opportunity.

When Father was blessing Rector and Vice Rec, he said for those who are generous, the Lord gives back to them 10-folds.

And then yesterday, when I read last Saturday's entry in Our Daily Bread the message was: Jesus I will learn from You, Obey You day by day; I'll be your faithful follower and serve You on the way.

I was, and still am, scared of the responsibility. When my rectorship comes, I don't know if I'll be effective. But I realized all my friends believe in me. The Core believes in me. There has been an outpouring of support from Dazers since Sunday. How can I turn my back from all of them? He gave this to me for a reason. A reason that I may not understand now, but I know someday I will. I'm so scared of what will happen but I will leap because I know He'll catch me.

Basta Ikaw Lord!