The Story of my Life

I remember I didn't write about this when I heard the results. So for the benefit of those who don't know...here's the story of my trip to the fortune-teller.

Let's call her Mystica (not her real name). No relevance whatsoever, for some reason I kept thinking of a name that started with letter M. First it was Majesta, then there was Marina...then Madam...and then Mahal. Above all, I think Mystica sounds right.

Anyway, I decided to see her because I was damn bored that Saturday morning. My friend and his bestfriend were scheduled that day and they've been convincing me ever since. So I thought, why not? I had nothing to do that day and I have spare money to spend for it.

I would always term it "hula" but they refuse to call it as such. They would rather call it, aura reading. To give class probably...Kailangan may ganong factor?! Whatever the difference is...I don't know. I was a bit nervous and excited at the beginning...but the long wait eventually killed the excitement and made me more nervous. I was nervouse because I didn't know what I want to know about my future...I didn't prepare a list of questions I wanted to ask. Unlike my other companions who had a whole piece of paper full of questions. Actually, all I wanted to know was...will I ever find true love? That was it. Period. I didn't care about my career, well, I do care. But not as much as I care about my love life.

Anyway, when I entered she read my aura. Said it was light pink and something else (sorry I forgot). She asked if I had a boyfriend (Question: Can't she tell?). I said no, but I'm inlove. And then, she said..."Unreciprocated no?" Where the hell did that come from?! Yes. I think I've been unreciprocated for a decade now. That explains why my aura is light pink.

She then asked me to pick 13 cards from the deck of tarot cards she placed on the table. The first card, I think, gives a general picture of what my year would be like. The remaining 12 cards represent the highlights of every month. Meaning, 1 card for every month.

Well, her readings were quite interesting. Somewhere in the discussion she said..."Ano ka ba? Papalit-palit ka." That is because for this year...hold on tight...I will be involved with 4 men. It's raining men...Halleluiah its raining men...Amen! hahaha...She didn't say whether I'll have a relationship with these men. But she candidly said that I have to make my head rule over my heart...In other words, wag daw akong tanga. hahahaha One in January and another one in June. It just scared me though because she said, in June I will be in a relationship...what's with June and my relationships? Why does it always have to be in June?!?!?!?! Gggrrr!...But in July, I will be miserable because of that relationship. And because I'm too preoccupied with it, I won't notice that someone else is offering something better. Hhhmmm...She didn't say if I ever noticed that guy. But she moved on to the next month. Then in October, another guy will surface.

Before we closed, she asked me a question. Who would you rather be with? Someone your contemporary or someone older (around 40)? I immediately answered, of course, someone my age. She asked me to think about it...Apparently, this guy in his forty's, salt and pepper hair and an expat...will be offering me love. Wow! Suddenly, I will be an ADB dependent....at least I can buy Tilamook ice cream from the commissary. hehehe

Makes me think, who in ADB have been eyeing me for the last 3 years? hehehehe...I really can't say. As Ara Mina puts it...you can never can tell. Let's cross the bridge when there's water under. :)

Anyway, two months have passed and guess what? None of her hula came true. Let's wait and see. :)

I'm at work. Just finished playing badminton...went back to finish what I started doing this morning. But I don't feel like doing it yet so here I am blogging.

Was with my college friends last night...and again, I felt empty. Envious. Longing to find someone who'd sit next to me in gatherings such as those. In all our get-togethers, I could count the number of times I had someone sitting beside me. The last time I brought someone, they all thought he was 'the one', so did I. That was a long time. A lot of get-togethers have passed and I'm still alone. Somehow, I'm getting used to the feeling of going there alone (I think they're used to it to0)...and that if ever the times comes that I have someone to bring, I wouldn't know how to react.

Don't get me wrong. I don't long for someone just so I could be accompanied in those gatherings. Its just that I can't help but question, how come they found someone? They've all been together for years before they got married, while I couldn't even make a relationship last for more than a year. My relationships last for no more than 2 months...and if I'm lucky, it extends for another month. *sigh*

I really really hope there's something for me out there...

I need a drink!

"If anything is real, the heart will make it plain. There are some people who meet that somebody who they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some loves that don't go away.

And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be blessed to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever. Hope you find this kind of love in your life."

For the past two weeks I've been spending most of my time with my bestfriend, Michelle. Not all of my current friends personally know her. They just hear me occasionally say "my bestfriend". I have three bestfriends, by the way, they are Michelle, Mei and Annalee.

Michelle has been my friend since puberty hit us. She lives three floors down from my place. We went to the same high school but she's a year younger than me (nag-grade 7 kasi). On weekends, we would always spend time malling and/or dating. Yes, at very young age we're already dating. hehehe...When it's shopping, we're inseparable. We know every store in SM City. Greenhills tiangge addicts. And on Christmas season, we'd travel all the way to Divisoria to shop...We talk about almost everything. When we started smoking, after dinner I would always go to her place to smoke and have small chat...which eventually led to hours and hours of chatting. There were even times that we didn't know we finished half a pack of cigarette in just one sitting.

When she moved to the states (on the first year of our friendship), I was the most devastated. But the friendship just grew stronger. Though she was miles away, we were in constant communication...despite the absence of e-mail, chat and text back then. We were writing to each other (snail mail ito!) almost every month. The distance grew us closer together. Ironic diba? But honestly, I appreciate her friendship more when she moved away.

12 years after, a lot of things have changed. W'eve gained so much weight...hahahaha...(Michelle, admit it, you're medium-sized now!) We're older and wiser. Our problems have become more complicated (well, my problem is still my lovelife...hers has become more and more complicated). We have gone through so much. When I talk to her now, I get a lot of wisdom from her. When I listen to her problems, sometimes I can't help but feel ashamed of myself because what I'm going through now is nothing compared to what she's gone through. And despite everything, she remains strong.

I'm glad to be reunited with her...kahit na ngayong gabi di ko sya nasamahang uminom cause I'm under medication (damn antibiotics!). I'm glad that the friendship remained strong despite the years and distance in between. I'm looking forward to another 12 years of friendship with you.

As I was trying to get some sleep I remembered what Mars asked me a couple of years back which she quoted from Brad Pitt&Julia Roberts' movie, The Mexican. "When do you know that enough is enough?" "When I've given my all" I said... and went on to blab why. "Never" she said. I was silent. Shocked at how simple the answer was. There I was showing off how profound I can be only to find out that the answer was simple...never.

But later on I realized, never is never a simple word. To say never entails a lot of emotions and responsibilities from the person who uttered it...

So, when do you know that enough is enough? When do you know that you've done everything to save a relationship? When do you decide to get out of a relationship? When do you know that leaving a relationship is ultimately better than living in that relationship? When do you stop wallowing and start moving on? When do you tell yourself enough?

Enough is when you have nothing else to give in the relationship...and it just goes downhill from there. Enough is when you begin to compromise your values and the things and people that matter to you most. Enough is when you don't know who you are anymore. Enough is when you've lost your self-esteem. Enough is when you can't seem to put aside your differences and it always gets in the way of your relationship. Enough is when you can't be happy living in the relationship and everyday becomes a struggle.

Loving is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling one can ever experience. But when it becomes difficult for one or for both parties, you should start asking yourself why. If either or both parties are no longer happy staying in the relationship then what's the point of holding on to it?! Don't deprive your partner and yourself of the opportunity of finding happiness somewhere else. Move on.

I know its hard starting a new relationship..even finding a new one is difficult(I haven't even found mine)...And the gap between relationships can be hell. Yes, you'll miss so many comforts of a relationship: someone to drag when you need to run an errand, someone to spend your friday evening with, someone to walk the hallways with, someone to keep you company as you drive to work, someone to have breakfast with, someone to have a bottle or two after a hard days work, someone to cuddle and kiss. I miss having to lie in the passenger seat while my head rests on his lap. You'll miss everything and you'll come to a point that you wish you could take it all back. But when you reach that point, think about it one more time then ask yourself, will all the good times be enough to compensate his/her shortcomings? Is there more to give?

My answer still holds...enough is when I know I've given my all but you still remain hard as stone.

I turned 27...yeah shut up! hehehe...I turned 27 and celebrated it with my drinking buddies in Juliano's. It was a hat party...so everyone was required to come with their fabulous hats.

Early in the night, I thought only few people would come. Thank God, Guia, Joena and Ice entertained me (shouldn't it be the other way around?!). Guia was really funny, she kept wagging her fingers (imagine a fish flipping their fins) to match her Nemo hat, and her face?! Priceless! Sobrang funny...she would pass as an autistic hahahaha... Joena for her part played as the fortune-teller-slash-bading friend. Her every witty comments made all of us laugh. Si Ice? What did he do ba? Nothing really spectacular. Oh, I know, he was the willing victim of Guia and Joena. These two girls were flirting with Ice the whole night, trying to seduce him. Kidding! (Joena/Gs, don't kill me. hehe)

This is us playing with the camera...Picture 1: Notice how Flow controls show off her serious look (Something wrong with your tummy Flow?); Picture 2: I'm trying so hard to be serious...pout your lips honey!!!; and finally, Picture 3: Give your best smile!

Anyway, Lou, as her usual self entertained everyone with her sculling (did I spell it right?) flair. Beat Lucy on the first round and Jay for the second round. She finished while Jay was half-way his glass. TRIVIA: Lou just came back from Cebu the nigh before. She was telling everyone that she's been sober for a month. Feeling daw nya, she lost it (drinking that is)...So this is what you call "I lost it." Hhhmmm....

This is a post from http://www.peyups.com written by Amie. I love this article, its as if Amie knew what was happening to me...So, Amie, wherever you are...thanks for writing this. Borrow ko lang ha.

I can sssoooo relate. Read on...

But the stars can't be around all the time. The past few days have been terribly rainy; clouds covered the sunshine during the day, and kept the stars hidden during the night. Where are the stars now that I need them? All I can feel is the rain, pouring like teardrops from heaven. I could hear the rhythm of raindrops, the burst of water falling from the sky. Like tears overflowing, it's like the angels above are feeling my pain.

The nights had been starless.

Everytme I need hope or encouragement, I would stand by the doorway, light a cigarette and look up at the stars. It somehow makes me feel that there is a wonderful world out there, that life is beautiful. Something about the way they flicker in the dark night has this weird way of comforting the aching soul.

I had seen it coming. I knew that once I fall, it would be a lot harder to get up. But I dared to dive. I had dared to venture into that deep forest where there might be no turning back once I get lost. And I am now lost. I'm going round in circles, trying to find my way out, only to realize that I've been going around the same places for so many times. It was my fault. I had ignored the signs. I ran towards the direction where my feet took me, where the wind blew. It was a move I had dared to take, and I can't blame anyone, not even myself for it.

The rain poured the whole day as if it never wanted to stop. That night I was with him and some friends, I looked up at the overcast sky, trying to find a star--just one star, one sign that could tell me that this will get to something. All I needed was one star, one last string of hope I can hold on to. But the heavens have failed me.

Last night, as I was standing in the middle of an empty parking lot, I finally found my star. Not just one, but two, then three, and before I knew it, hundreds of stars were all shining again for me. After those turbulent, stormy days, the stars were there again. The night wasn't perfectly starry, but at least they were there. And as I look out at the window overlooking the Makati skyline on a beautiful saturday morning like this, I know the rainy days are over, at least for today.

I love to see the ocean's beauty
And the moon that shines above
Alone in the sand looking at the stars
Wishing someday I would find true love
Would it be nice to see the morning
With the one you love the most
Would it be nice to say goodnight
To the one you hold so close
To your heart
To your heart

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hope it'll find its way to you
wherever you are

I love to sit in fields of green
Looking deeply through the sky
Watching birds as they fly by
Hoping someday fate will bring me true love
Would it be nice to hold someone
So dear, near your heart
Would it be nice to hear those words
I love you from the one that you love

I'd love to see myself one day
In the arms of someone
Who will share her life with me
selflessly...someoday...
You will find your way...to me...

Hope you find your way back...

Another summer day
is come and gone away
in Paris and Rome
But I wana go home

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmm...I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you coud not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
An gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It'll all be all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

...the pain lingers.

I took a brave move to forgive the person who has done me wrong. I wanna move on in peace. "I don't want to bring this grudge with me everyday", I said. I don't wanna wake up every morning with hatred in my heart.

"Holding anger is poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves."

Everybody deserves to be forgiven. I told myself I can never forgive him. I told myself I will never give you the peace you need to be happy. You cannot be happy as long as I'm hurting. But I guess, I'm not really cut out like that...everybody deserves to be forgiven. "Thank you," he said. Go get your peace and work on your happiness.

"Lost love is still love. It takes a different form. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. When those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it...you hold it...you dance with it."

CAUTION: If you're not into mushy struff, move one to the next page...there's nothing here for you.


Love has once again changed my life (yeah I know...I never really explicitly said I was in love. Guess I was still testing the waters). After what I've been through in the past, I've closed my mind and my heart to the possibility of falling in love the same way I've done before. I've been a cynic...a man-hater of some sort...questioned every man who walks into my life...turned down every chance to fall in love.

Then, unexpectedly, lightning struck. And all of a sudden, I found myself in love much more than I loved before...for someone like me, it was an overwhelming feeling. So I seized the day. I took the plunge despite knowing that I was in for a lot of trouble. You know what, it was just so ironic...that despite knowing I'd get hurt with this person, it just felt so good and so right loving him. I knew I was gonna get hurt because I know he's gonna leave me in a few months. But I seized the day even more...I wanted to enjoy it for as long as it lasts. Because afer a long time, I looked at love positively. Because after a long time, I felt I can entrust myself, my future...and my lifetime to this person. Because after hiding from my shell, I finally found the courage to step out of it and risk everything.

But as they say, even fairy tales have their endings, happy or otherwise. This one ended in quite an unexpected manner. Was I mad? Yes I was. Was I hurt? You can't imagine how hurt I was. Not the worst I guess, but it sure did leave a heavy mark.

I asked why...told myself I don't deserve this. Why did it happen to me again? Don't you guys ran out of things to hurt me? I am so fragile, didn't you even consider that? But now, I've stopped questioning. Because the answer is simple...I was at the right place but in the wrong time. Everything was just bad timing.

Oh well, that's life. I hurt less now. I can sleep well at night. But I haven't forgotten, nor have I forgiven. I know I will one day.

Love til hurts...if it hurts, love some more...if still hurts, love some more...love til it hurts no more.

"Sometimes when you sacrifice something serious, you're not losing it...you're just passing it on to someone else."

Was browsing through my phone and I read this message that was sent to me way-way back. Sharing it with everyone. Its good...makes a lot of sense...

"It has been said that when a person you love hurts you seven times, you have to forgive them seventy-seven times. It may sound exaggerated but that is the way love rili is. If we truly love a person, the gravity of his offense wouldn't matter because we still accept that person no matter how much pain his actions have brought us. You never lose hope that someday you could be together again...there's nothing wrong with that. Your love is just so encompassing that you are able to understand his wrong doings and accept his greatest frailties.

We know that you really love him but we have to realize that the love and dedication of just one person aren't enough to keep a relationship. Even if you love him, with all your heart, your relationship will not grow if he doesn't commit to you the same love and dedication that you have unfailingly given him.

Sometimes setting someone free is the only way to prove your love for that person. Only when your love is no longer bound by his commitment to you can you truly tell if he really loves you.

Sometimes you have to let him go and give yourself the chance to start over again. Let's always remember that there is nothing wrong in loving a person with all our heart. But when we allow ourselves to be stuck in that relationship because of someone who doesn't love us enough, then we are bound to miss the opportunity of finding another person who will love us the way we should be loved, and can truly make us happy."

when this f**k*ng paper is over, I will...

1. Sleep the whole day.
2. Hangout with friends.
3. Go out of town.
4. Go back to the gym.
5. Have my hair rebonded.
6. Finish reading Angels and Demons (Gggrrr...its almost a year!).
7. Hangout in SBC to read 11 Minutes (not my StraMa book!).
8. Catch up on my DVDs.
9. Hear mass at Calaruega.
10. Spend QT with...
11. Visit uhum at Pque.
12. Clean my room.
13. Garage sale.
14. Party with my classmates.
15. Shop.
16. Play badminton with the Bigbarks.
17. Food trip at UP.
18. Have a massage.
19. Watch the latest movie.
20. Love.

I'm now in my final year in grad school and this term is making me crazy. I am due to submit my final paper on Aug 17 and I still don't have all the materials I need to complete it. How can the company expect me to provide sound recommendations if they don't give me what I need? Hhhhmmm...I really want to give up but I promised my mom I'll finish this. So, You up there, if you're reading this...please, please, please squeeze out more creative ideas from my head and shower me with your grace...I need it badly!

...:::...

Have you seen "If Only"? If not, boy you're missing a lot. I haven't seen a movie that made me cry that hard. This is better than "the Notebook" I'm telling you. Effect? Makes you appreciate the people you love most. Here are my favorite lines from the movie:

Ian: How can you love someone so much and not know how to love them?
Taxi Driver: Appreciate her and what you have, just love her.

Sam: Death doesn't put an end to love.

Ian: I love you since I met you but I wouldn't allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions out of fear, but today, because of you, because of what I learned from you every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed. And I've learned that if you do that, you're living your life fully. It doesn't matter if you have 5 minutes or 50 years. If not for you, if not for today, I would never have learned love at all. So thank you for being the person who taught me to love, and be loved.

...:::...

My song now...

you caught me by surprise
I ask you to believe me
without a lie
we'll never have to say or feel we're sorry
dont say we're sorry
soon you'll see

I'm learning
I'm learning you now

Stars fading
free falling into you

this time I'm sure what I'm looking for
and that's what I want you to know
And I won't ever let you go

And I'm ready for you now
be ready for me now
Show me love

Currently playing...

Tagged by Aileen (a.k.a. Meyj)

If I could be in one place right now...
i'd be in Boracay (yeah...even if its raining...I'd still want to be in Boracay!)

If I could give something to myself, to my friends
MYSELF: A brand new car...a Mazda 3 please!
MY FRIENDS: The deepest desires of their heart

If I could take some people somewhere
I'd bring them to paradise (can't think of any...hehehe)

If I could make one dream come true
I'd make all my loved ones happy

If I could do real magic
I'd relieve every frog of their spell in the hope of finding my prince. hehehe

I tag Ria and Maya...wala nang iba eh. hehehe

A good friend of mine is leaving for Thailand this June. I'm excited and happy for him because I know this is what he's been trying to achieve ever since I met him. Flip was always on the lookout for job opportunities here and abroad...hoping to finally land the job that will satisfy his intellectual and financial needs. His patience paid off really well.

Anyway, we prepared something for Flip and part of it was a message from each one of us. Mine turned out to be a letter...hehehe

Here goes...

Dearest Flip,

For the couple of years we've been friends, you've witnessed most of the major events in our life. And in all those occasions, I never felt you left me. Thank you for everything. I may not have expressed my gratitude in the best way I can but I truly appreciate having you as my friend. Thank you for being such an asswipe on our first lunchout (because of that I realized...mata mo nga lang talaga ang maliit sa`yo...)- ->Senseless to? Why did I write this?...Thank you for allowing me to mingle with your friends and for introducing Sidebar (ngayon, mas madalas na akong pumupunta dun kesa sa`yo). Thank you for accepting my katangahan pagdating sa pag-ibig...for letting me do my thing even if you know it will only hurt me in the end. Thank you for listening to all my stories even if it's about the same person (I know you got tired at some point...I can't blame you. Kahit ako minsan napapagod din.) Thank you for sharing with me my life's little victories. Thank you for putting up with my eccentricities and kasungitan. Thank you for being brutally honest when you see that I'm about to make another stupid decision. Thank you for all your opinions...kahit na alam natin pareho that's where we get into trouble at kahit alam natin na WE DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE AN OPINION. Thank you for trusting me with all your secrets, the same way that I trust you with mine...and most importantly, thank you for visitng me that fateful morning at UST. That made me realize our friendship goes beyond our gimmicks...That and all others make-up our friendship. I know this is nothing compared to what you've shared with your other friends, but that's irrelevant now. What's important for me is that, somehow, we shared a few memorable times together...

Even if you're just starting to reach the next milestone of your life, I want to congratulate you already. I've always believed in you (eventhough its not obvious...hehehe). Even in the midst of conflicts and near-quitting episodes (hehehehe), you always manage to stand out and put in excellent work. I hope you learn to let go of your emotions. Feel happy when you're happy. Tell the world that you're happy when you really are. There's no sense of containing your happiness...you're only depriving yourself of what was freely given to you by Jess. To let it out is to show Jess and the whole world that you appreciate His blessings for you...and contrary to your belief...failures, sufferings and disappointments are not payments in exchange for the happiness given to you. They are blessings in disguise...they make us stronger and wiser individuals. They brought us to where we are now.

Jess has given you so many blessings. All the things you've always wanted are given to you one by one. You have to nurture it, share it (pasalubong! sampaloc lang! hehehe) and be thankful for it. Not so many people are as blessed as you are. Love? hhhmmm...it will come, also when you least expect it. It will come when you're ready. It will come to each one of us, in His perfect time. Aren't you convinced yet? All that you prayed for were given to you...(UP Masters, Guam racket, and now Thailand)...we just have to wait for His perfect time? He's preparing the right person for you. Pinapapayat lang nya, sabi mo kasi ayaw mo ng mataba...(you're so mean!) Seriously, I know you'll find her soon. =)

Here's to the fulfillment of our dreams and the answers to our prayers!

I'm in a daze...In October, I prayed deeply for something to come my way which will mark the start of a new chapter in my life. And in the most unexpected moment...I came face to face with the sign. Suddenly, I began questioning the validity of this sign....suddenly, questions started popping out. Is this real? How could you have known that was the one I needed? What brought you to me? Why now? Is this our fate?

Its just so strange that this has to happen at the time I was ready to give it a pass. Now, I couldn't let it go because He gave me a bunch of reason not to...So who am I not to reconsider? I asked for this and now that its here, won't you take it? My mind believes I should, but my heart tells me otherwise...

"You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.

Everyday, God gives us the sun - and also one moment in which we have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy. Everyday, we try to pretend that we haven't perceived that moment, that it doesn't exist - that today is the same as yesterday and will be the same tomorrow. But if people really pay attention to their everyday lives, they will discover the magic moment. It may arrive in the instant when you are doing something mundane, like putting our front-door key in the lock; it may lie hidden in the quiet that follows the lunch hour or in the thousand and on things that ll seem the same to us. But that moment exist - a moment when all the power of the stars becomes a part of us and enables us to perform miracles.

Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest. Our magic moment helps us to change and sends us off in search of our dreams. Yes, we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments - but all of this is transitory; it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken.

Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she will hear her heart saying "what have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you? You buried yourself ina cave because you were feaful of losing those talents. So this is your heritage: the certainty that you wasted your life.

Pitiful are the people who must realize this. Because when they are finally able to believe in miracles, their life's magic moments will have already passed them by." ---By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept (Paulo Coelho)