The Story of my Life

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We had our traditional shower party for the bride-to-be last Friday held at Butch and Kris' humber abode in Quezon City. We feasted on Beef Stew, Roasted Chicken, Kare-Kare (my favorite!), and Calamares, the star for the night. Of course, Kris served the luscious chocolate cake from Quiapo as dessert. Sarap!

The marrying spell that struck my college barkada will officially expire on 30 July. Meryl, the last in the roster of marrying Tsinays, will finally tie the knot next week with lawyer-boyfriend, Kirk. The big question is, who will be the next to join the bandwagon? Arle, Ge, Aileen or me? Place your bets now.

A good friend of mine sent me this as a reply to my forwarded e-mail. I am a scarred girl, if you haven't noticed, and every word that was spoken here have been in my thoughts for the past several years. Just thought I'd share it with you...

SCARRED PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL
by Rev. Charles Cooke

Man Speaks:
I've seen a number of good movies, Lord.
Like Romeo and Juliet
They love of young people, at least in this movie, is beautiful
So simple, so total, so uncomplicated!

They seem so natural
So free in their emotions
Unrestrained in their actions.

I wish I could be like that, Lord
But I can't be!
Why is it so?
I've been hurt, Lord!
I have trusted and been betrayed many times.
I have loved and received nothing in return.
I have tried hard to care and failed often.
I have shared my secrets and heard them whispered to others.
I have been warm and received a cold shoulder.
I've been through it, Lord!
I have fallen on my face.
I have banged my shins.
I've been bruised!
Look, Lord! I'm all covered with scars!

The Lord speaks:
Maybe you have not yet understood enough!
Maybe you still haven't learned that human life is like that.
All saints are scarred.

Young love isn't the highest form of human love.
The highest love comes from scarred people.
I know many people who stop loving so they won't be hurt again.
But those people who do start over again, who continue despite of all,
who leave themselves open to the possibility of hurt again.
These people are able to love in a gentle way...a more understanding way...a richer way.

Many responds:
I think I know what you mean, Lord.
I've met people like that and knowing them gives me great courage.
The greatest people are those who continue to love with all their scars.
I like scarred people, Lord. They are beautiful.

1. I ought to be reviewing my paper in preparation for my OCE but my mind is somewhere else so I guess, I will have to postpone that in the hope that tomorrow I will get my mind back on track.

2. Yes, I'm taking my OCE. After being out of school for a year, I have finally decided to knock my head off. The OCE talk has become a nuisance, primarily because I have run out of excuses why I haven't taken mine. I also had a chance encounter with my Professor two weeks ago and when he asked me why I haven't finished it, I couldn't come up with a valid excuse. Plus, when I tried to access my online student account, I have been listed as INACTIVE. Gggrrr...

3. I have just finished reading The Kite Runner, a novel by Khaled Hosseini. I have originally bought this book as a going-away present for my ex-boss and have no intention of getting a copy for myself, but after hearing the bookstore manager's review, I had goose bumps and I knew right away that I should get one. The next day, I went back to Ink and Stone and grabbed one for myself. It's a story about hope and forgiveness between father and sons, and friends. Highly recommended.

4. After reading The Kite Runner, I'm now into a lighter novel - Confessions of a Shopaholic. And thanks to this book, I think I will postpone getting a visa for another year, or maybe until I learn to manage my finances well (read as: NEVER).

5. God is Good. The other day my wallet only had a 20-peso bill for a resident and my gas tank is pumping its last breath. I was so worried how I could make it to work the next day given all these impediments. Even if I decided to take the train, I can only afford a one-way ticket. What if I walk from Ortigas to Pag-Asa? It's been a stormy week; I don't think I'll make it alive at home. Or I could take a leave, sick leave, emergency leave? How pathetic. God must have felt my desperation, because that night I got money more than enough to fill my tank. Thank you. Thank you.

This is the last photo I have of her (taken two weeks before her...)

I had my much anticipated date with Superman last Friday, and I must say I am still enamored by Brandon Routh's pretty face. His face is annoyingly perfect and you couldn't help but admire it every time the camera zooms in. I never did enjoy watching Superman (nor StarWars) probably because I was too young to appreciate it back then or simply because I'm not into movies then. I have probably seen one ore two films but not a single one stuck on my mind. The only vivid memory I have of him was Christopher Reeve wearing those ridiculous red trunks over blue tights. But seeing Brandon Routh in that suit gave Superman a whole new image to me. =P

The movie capitalized on the things that made Superman a big hit in the past years; well at least that's what I heard from Paolo and Monpete, my Superman-fanatic friends (when I say fanatic I mean they've read or watched all Superman article, comics, magazine, and movie, and they know every little thing about Superman). The movie was a good combination of digital effects, great talent, and classic stunts. As soon as you hear the famous Superman soundtrack it will make your heart pound in excitement. Monpete was literally shaking at the height of Superman's action. He almost forgot to breathe...hahahaha. Paolo, on the other hand, couldn't take the smile off his face when we got out of the movie house.

Don't get me wrong, but I think there's nothing in the film that we haven't seen or expected from the man of steel. The film simply magnified the innate powers of Superman, what marveled me were the brilliant use of digital effects. The way they moved him around space was flawless. Some scenes were hilarious but it all makes sense if you think about it. Another thing I find rather amusing is the scene where I saw his trademark curly bangs untouched after saving the world. I mean, hello, wala bang hangin sa labas? Flying in and out of space, and moving faster than a speeding bullet could mess up your hair big time. Hehehehe...and oh, there is a twist at the latter part of the movie and the events that unfolded it were kinda amusing too. =)

I'm so pleased with the movie and I guess, it was worth everything we went through that night...the long queue at the ticket counter, the two hours waiting time (we were there at 9pm but the tickets we got were for the 11:20 screening), expensive movie ticket, traffic jam in Araneta (it was Bench Fever night and all parking areas were full), and the sore feet I had when I got home. It was a great movie, though I wish I had seen it in IMax. Hats off to the Director and to the Cast.

Whenever I'd come across that line before, I was so sure no one from my past would qualify. But a lot has changed in four years and I'm saying goodbye to my Mr. Close Enough.

2002 was probably the worst year of my life. I lost my mom, my job and got involved with an absolute cheater. I was drowning myself of depression. It was a year-long struggle, probably longer. I couldn't wait for it to end so when I saw an opportunity, I grabbed it. A former boyfriend proposed marriage. He was my friend of seven years and my mom loved him. I believed it was the only right thing happening in my life. I accepted it thinking that, somehow, things will be better. Indeed, things started looking up. I felt stronger and I had more zest for life. But one day I woke up and realized I wasn't ready to get married. I was just starting to live my life the way I want to and getting hitched was the last thing on my mind. So I screwed up. It was unforgivable but he forgave me anyway.

Since then I've been in and out of relationships. Not one lasted for more than a year. I guess it was nature's way of getting back at me. He had relationships too but I never saw him seriously committed with someone. He's based overseas and all those years I never, for one instant, felt he detached himself from me. Whenever there was a major event happening in my life, he was there. He never missed my birthday. He made his presence felt in little ways he knows how. Whenever he's in Manila, he always made it a point that I get invited to most of his gimmicks, most of which I declined.

When he came back November of last year, he visited me at home. I was greeted with a tight hug, the kind that will make you wonder what he's been thinking. I was stunned so I just stood there motionless and cracked silly jokes to lighten up the awkward moment. I was in the mood to be bitchy that night so I let him do the talking and pretended I was listening. He noticed I wasn't showing a bit of interest so he left in less than 30 minutes.

He spent the holidays with his family here in Manila and that gave us more opportunity to spend time together. We had dinner a couple of times. We had our traditional drinking spree on New Year's Eve. On our last gimmick together he said goodbye in a very strange why. Said he was coming back in July but that I wouldn't see him anymore. I was too proud to ask why though I know he was up to something.

He was getting married.

We had a chance to talk before his civil wedding. It was the kind of talk I had been waiting for from him for so many years. The talk that I had expected we'd have over dinner...or when he brought me home after New Year. The talk I wished he had initiated when I got that warm hug from him...all those times I had waited for us to talk that way. No inhibitions. No expectations. The kind of talk where you unfold yourself to the person that matters most to you. The kind of talk where you take all the risk, you leap and hope you can fly (HITCH). Things could have been different if we had talked this way before.

Listening to him opened my mind to a lot of things. I began to understand why he kept me within his circle despite everything I've done. I began to appreciate why he worked so hard to give his family the life they are enjoying now. I began to understand why he kept calling the morning I got out of the hospital...I understood what unconditional love is.

The past flashed before me and I felt more unworthy. How could you snatch away someone five days from his wedding? How could you fight for someone when you know someone else is waiting to spend the rest of her life with him? I couldn't take him away from the one person whom I know could give him what I'm incapable of giving. He was better off. What right do I have to own him or to stop him when all I've done was take him for granted? The signs were everywhere and I missed all of it.

Learning of his marriage was an odd mixture of grief and relief. It was the sad realization that you will never really appreciate what you have until they're gone and the relief in knowing that for once, I did something unselfish for him.

Last night I greeted an old on his birthday but instead of a warm thanks I got a who-is-this-please reply which spoiled half of my day (let's hope I forget about it when I come back from lunch).

Okay, let me explain why I'm flaring up...I've known this guy friend of mine for more than 10 years, even before they got married and had kids. On their wedding, they asked my mom to be one of their Principal Sponsors. Also on their wedding, I sang while she was marching down the aisle...this song, by the way, was supposed to be my wedding march song but since we're friends, I suggested it and let them use it.

So what could she possibly have against me to repeatedly delete my number from his husband's phone? Yes, she deleted it. Her husband admitted it to me. Oh, did I say she didn't want me to be their child's Godmother? They have three kids now and not one of them is my inaanak. I know my friend fought for it on their first child. So on the second child, I thought I was one of the ninangs...I guess she raised hell because I'm still just a friend and not a kumare.

I've had enough of her already so this morning when I got that message, I lost it and expressed how utterly annoyed I was. I told him I won't text him until his wife gets her head straight...which, I guess translates to forever.

I recently bought my very first digital camera and an iPod Nano. For months, I've been contemplating on whether to invest in electronic gadgets and finally it's here. I had first thought of buying an iBook but when I found out how much it costs, I realized I can only afford to eat toasted bread and jam, and walk to and from work for the rest of year just so I can get one for myself.

I'm not a techie person so the last thing I have in my "things to buy" are electronics gadgets. The furthest I can go to being techie is updating my cellphone every now and then...actually, not even. My N70 replaced my old phone which I had for three years. I used to change phones annually but at some point, I got pissed at Nokia launching new models twice a year, I guess. It burned my savings for several years and I've had enough of it!

Giving birth to my two babies which, I named Cams and Sabrina, rendered me sleepless the whole night...and this morning, I did all the needful to make Sabrina useful starting tonight. I'm so looking forward to the things we can do together...taking pictures at random, listening to my favorite music while working out, going to places together etc.

Thanks Ching for taking time to find my babies!

Ritchie had a car accident three weeks ago. As a result, all our weekend plans were cancelled because one, we were gonna use his car and second, he was not in the mood to plan for the getaway.

Its all good. We resigned to stay in Manila over the weekend and just meet up on Saturday. But I think the accident hit Ritchie too hard in the head, he invited us to his house for dinner and drinks, all on him, to compensate for what has happened. So who are we to say no to this invitation...especially if Vodka is in the house.

We downed 1 liter of Absolute that night. Funny thing happened on our way out. Paolo parked his car outside the gate near Ritchie's house. When we were on our way out, around 3am, we saw that the pedestrian gate was chained and padlocked. Therefore, to exit you have to take the long way and that means a 15-minute walk at 3am and with alcohol running down your blood vessels. Forget it!

We ended up climbing the fence, about 6 feet tall. Flow, who was too scared, did it anyway. I did too. I used to do that when I was little, climbing the fence that divides our house and SM City. Then Rome crossed. When it was Jerome's time, he hit the fence too hard on his first step that it broke the chain...GATE OPEN.

Tagged myself :) (Got this from Aileen's blog)

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. No Cheating!
4. Tag people to play this game too.

How are you feeling today?
Cannonball (Damien Rice)

Will you get far in life?
Tell me where it hurts? (Kathy Triccoli)

How do your friends see you?
The Scientist (Coldplay)

Will you get married?
Where are you (Natalie with Justin Roman) - hahahaha...where is this beautiful guy? Who is he who is he?

What is your bestfriend's theme song?
Higher (Creed)

What is the story of your life?
Girlfriend (Julia Fordham) - woaahh!!!!! Don't tell your girlfriend about me, cause your girlfriend won't like girls like me.

What was high school like?
Especially for You (MYMP)

How can you get ahead in life?
Invisible War (Julia Fordham)

What is the best thing about your friends?
Why (Annie Lenox)

What is today going to be like?
Wherever you will go (The Calling)

What is in store this weekend?
It Ain't over til its over (Lenny Kravitz)

What song describes you?
Only Hope (Many Moore)

To describe your grandparents?
Again (Lenny Kravitz)

How is your life going?
I'll never get over you getting over me (MYMP)

What song will they play at your funeral?
Stickwitu (The Pussycat Dolls)

How does the world see you?
Encore (Jay-z)

Will you have a happy life?
These Dreams (Heart)

What do your friends really think of you?
Can't get enough of your love (Barry White)

Do people secretly lust after you?
Constantly (Vanessa Williams) - bwahahaha! yuuuccckkk!

How can I make myself happy?
Don't Lie (Black Eyed Peas)

What should you do with your life?
Stay (Cueshe')

Will you ever have children?
Trick of fate

April 15-16: Easter Salubong @ Discovery Suites

My MBA friends (Ching, Romeo, Jerome) and I decided to spend the holy week weekend at Discovery Suites. It was, again, a night of Vodka drinking and videoke singing.

For me, it was a night of reconnecting with some of my closest friends whom I haven't talked to a long time. I finally had the chance to open up my sentiments to these people. And somehow, it helped me realize where all my doubts are coming from...and most importantly, I realized, that wallowing is just a waste of my precious time and energy.

Don't Buy Pirated CDs...the Return

Jerome: Tuloy ba yung Tagaytay natin? May alam akong magandang resort sa Zambales, Club Morocco. May sports facilities, 20 meters away from the beach. Tapos from the glass door, ang ganda ng view ng beach. Pero yung beach pang view lang. Meron pang swimming pool pa.
Claire: Mas maganda yung alam ko, 20 meters away from the beach tapos may sports facilities...
Rome and Flip: Club Morocco!!!
Jerome: Oo, tapos 20 meters away lang from the beach yung resort.
Paolo: Oo pare, tapos may sports facilities pa yun.
Flip: Pero yung beach pare pang view lang.
Wilson: Yung Club Morocco? Maganda dun! Sa Zambales?! May sports facilities...
Rome: 20 meters away lang from the beach.

And the story goes on and on...

April 20-23: Bora bora

We were lucky to be in Boracay a week after Holy Week. I was told that majority of the working class was in Boracay during that time. Pedestrian traffic was a problem and the shoreline was jam-packed, you couldn't find a decent place to sunbathe. If it were possible, I bet local officials would put up a "standing-room only" sign at main entry points just to stop people from coming in.

It was surprising to see that only after a year, a lot has changed in Bora...Docking, on peak season, is at the other side of the island...D'Mall has expanded to cater to more boutiques. Havaianas, Billabong and Roxy seems like a basic commodity...and Andok's Litson Manok is a staple (I think their ultimate goal is MARKET SATURATION...if I'm not mistaken, there are now 4 branches of Andok's in just one side of the island)...and the prices just keeps on getting higher.

Despite all these changes, Boracay remains a paradise for me. A getaway from the hustle and bustle of city life. The moment I stepped foot on that powder-like sand, I lost all memory of work-related matters and only had one thing in mind...HAVE FUN!

On board a paraw-sail:


ATV drive...

Since April hit the chart, I was nowhere to be found! On weekdays, I work my ass out to shed more than 0.5lbs (so I can rightfully wear my bikinis)...and on weekends?!?!?! It's party time!

April 7: Bridal Shower Party for Anna
Condoms, clay-penis, porn movie, and VOOODDDDKKKAAAA...are some of the things that topped the night at Anna's bridal shower. She wanted to have a gigolo, but this girl is so pihikan, Gary Estrada look alike or nothing...we ended up with....RENE DE GUZMAN (sorry, private joke). Hahahaha...Here's a peak of Anna's shower.

April 8-9: Bamboo Cove, Puerto Galera

Still smelling of the Vodka I drank from Anna's shower, I headed to meet my MBA friends for our Galera getaway. I thought I was the only one stinking of alcohol and lacking of sleep, only to find out that Jerome didn't get the chance to sleep at all and Ritchie only had 3 hrs of sleep...Lets not ask how much Kathy got, elderly are used to sleeping early...hehehe...peace Kathy!

We stayed at Bamboo Cove which is a boat ride away from White Beach. Docked at Muelle Port then rode a van going to Bamboo cove. Ritchie's friend, Anna, said we have to cross two mountains to get there. We shrugged it off thinking it was an exaggeration...But hell no! It was indeed two mountains. You know you're on a mountain when there's nothing on either side but sunbaked bushes, spiny tree tunks and dried grass everywhere. Rutted dirt roads, and dust. Anyway, after 20 minutes (in a province where there's not much traffic, travelling for 20 minutes is a long time) we finally reached the place. We arrived there at around 12nn. Just in time for lunch.

That weekend was the most relaxing weekend I've had for months. Feasting on grilled seafood and meat every meal, playing beach volleyball and cards. Then billiards when you're bored with it. Telling your funny stories over coffee. Relax drinking at night. It was indeed a get away! That's what you call...A life!


Just like Knotslanding, these will be brought up in every gimmick:

Ritchie and the dilis

While snorkeling, Ritchie immediately surfaced, frightened from what he saw...
Ritchie: Ay....ang daming isdaaaaaaa!
(Afraid?! Diba kaya ka nga nag-sosnorkeling kasi gusto mong makakita ng isda?!)
***
The P and F depect...este defect

Ritchie: Alam mo ang ganda pala ng board shorts ko na to. Galing oh, water froop.
Claire: Ritch baka water proof. Hahahaa
Ritchie: Pucha, ilabas mo yan sa barkada, papatayin kita!
***
Don't buy pirated CDs

Kat: Claire, Jerome, ok lang ba kung magdagdag na lang tayo dun sa driver tapos pahatid na lang tayo sa kanya-kanyang bahay?
Claire: Sa kin okay lang. Ask nyo si Jerome.
Kat: Jerome, ok lang ba kung magdagdag na lang tayo dun sa driver tapos pahatid na lang tayo sa kanya-kanyang bahay?
Jerome: Eh kung magdagdag na lang tayo para mahatid tayo sa mga bahay natin?
Ritchie: Alam mo, di naman siguro malaki ang idadagdag natin sa driver pag nagpahatid tayo sa bahay natin no?
Claire: May mas maganda akong idea, eh kung kausapin natin yung driver na ihatid tayo hanggang sa bahay tapos bayaran na lang natin sya?
Kat: Hindi, magpahatid na lang tayo sa driver. Tapos magdagdag na lang tayo.

PS: When we got to Manila, hindi kami hinatid ng driver! Nagtaxi kaming lahat pauwi. Ang kulit nyo kasi eh!

Planning session for Anna's bridal shower: Will meet up with Flow and Mellay to plan Anna's bridal shower. I haven't seen Mellay in such a long time so this will be a chance to catch up. Yes, Anna is, indeed, getting married. Bridal shower is set on Apr 7. I wonder how the bigbarks bridal shower would be like...Tsinay's bridal shower kasi is very wholesome.

***

Boracay: Flip backed out from our Bora trip so I'm left with my brother and his girlfriend. Initially, I was upset after hearing this but I realized, I can't do anything about it so I have no choice but to be 'ok' with it. Things are not the same anymore. I sometimes find it hard to accept that my friends are moving on. I just miss them...I miss the fun we all shared before. Oh well, life should go on for me too. I'll just take this trip as my time to reflect on how my life was changed by the things that happened in the past and how I can use it make my life more meaningful.

***
Finding myself: I have been changing perspective and, honestly, I don't like what I think, feel and see. I feel like I'm losing the goodness in me, which scares me. Because I don't want to have a cold heart. I don't want to be someone who doesn't feel. I talked to Gs about this during our afternoon cigarette break and I was surprised to hear myself talking with so much anger, bitterness and regret. This is not me. I try so hard to to put up a happy facade, to give others the impression that I'm okay and happy, but when I'm on my own, I get to think about a lot of things. I get to think and wonder, why the hell am I getting all these challenges when all I have hoped for and done was to make other people happy.

I was at Days Weekend last saturday, and unlike the past Weekends I held back my tears when people started to crucify Jess. Hammering has always been the heaviest part of the Weekend for me because everytime that mallet hits the cross, I feel the pain He went through to save all of us...But I fought back the tears because I didn't want people to see that I was crying. Because, I thought, if I cried they would see how I empty I am. And they would only have pitty for me.

I only want to be happy...for crying out loud. How long do I have to wait to be happy? Gs said that I shouldn't rush it, that it will eventually come. Good Lord, please hurry. I don't want to lose myself.

to be continued...

I remember I didn't write about this when I heard the results. So for the benefit of those who don't know...here's the story of my trip to the fortune-teller.

Let's call her Mystica (not her real name). No relevance whatsoever, for some reason I kept thinking of a name that started with letter M. First it was Majesta, then there was Marina...then Madam...and then Mahal. Above all, I think Mystica sounds right.

Anyway, I decided to see her because I was damn bored that Saturday morning. My friend and his bestfriend were scheduled that day and they've been convincing me ever since. So I thought, why not? I had nothing to do that day and I have spare money to spend for it.

I would always term it "hula" but they refuse to call it as such. They would rather call it, aura reading. To give class probably...Kailangan may ganong factor?! Whatever the difference is...I don't know. I was a bit nervous and excited at the beginning...but the long wait eventually killed the excitement and made me more nervous. I was nervouse because I didn't know what I want to know about my future...I didn't prepare a list of questions I wanted to ask. Unlike my other companions who had a whole piece of paper full of questions. Actually, all I wanted to know was...will I ever find true love? That was it. Period. I didn't care about my career, well, I do care. But not as much as I care about my love life.

Anyway, when I entered she read my aura. Said it was light pink and something else (sorry I forgot). She asked if I had a boyfriend (Question: Can't she tell?). I said no, but I'm inlove. And then, she said..."Unreciprocated no?" Where the hell did that come from?! Yes. I think I've been unreciprocated for a decade now. That explains why my aura is light pink.

She then asked me to pick 13 cards from the deck of tarot cards she placed on the table. The first card, I think, gives a general picture of what my year would be like. The remaining 12 cards represent the highlights of every month. Meaning, 1 card for every month.

Well, her readings were quite interesting. Somewhere in the discussion she said..."Ano ka ba? Papalit-palit ka." That is because for this year...hold on tight...I will be involved with 4 men. It's raining men...Halleluiah its raining men...Amen! hahaha...She didn't say whether I'll have a relationship with these men. But she candidly said that I have to make my head rule over my heart...In other words, wag daw akong tanga. hahahaha One in January and another one in June. It just scared me though because she said, in June I will be in a relationship...what's with June and my relationships? Why does it always have to be in June?!?!?!?! Gggrrr!...But in July, I will be miserable because of that relationship. And because I'm too preoccupied with it, I won't notice that someone else is offering something better. Hhhmmm...She didn't say if I ever noticed that guy. But she moved on to the next month. Then in October, another guy will surface.

Before we closed, she asked me a question. Who would you rather be with? Someone your contemporary or someone older (around 40)? I immediately answered, of course, someone my age. She asked me to think about it...Apparently, this guy in his forty's, salt and pepper hair and an expat...will be offering me love. Wow! Suddenly, I will be an ADB dependent....at least I can buy Tilamook ice cream from the commissary. hehehe

Makes me think, who in ADB have been eyeing me for the last 3 years? hehehehe...I really can't say. As Ara Mina puts it...you can never can tell. Let's cross the bridge when there's water under. :)

Anyway, two months have passed and guess what? None of her hula came true. Let's wait and see. :)

I'm at work. Just finished playing badminton...went back to finish what I started doing this morning. But I don't feel like doing it yet so here I am blogging.

Was with my college friends last night...and again, I felt empty. Envious. Longing to find someone who'd sit next to me in gatherings such as those. In all our get-togethers, I could count the number of times I had someone sitting beside me. The last time I brought someone, they all thought he was 'the one', so did I. That was a long time. A lot of get-togethers have passed and I'm still alone. Somehow, I'm getting used to the feeling of going there alone (I think they're used to it to0)...and that if ever the times comes that I have someone to bring, I wouldn't know how to react.

Don't get me wrong. I don't long for someone just so I could be accompanied in those gatherings. Its just that I can't help but question, how come they found someone? They've all been together for years before they got married, while I couldn't even make a relationship last for more than a year. My relationships last for no more than 2 months...and if I'm lucky, it extends for another month. *sigh*

I really really hope there's something for me out there...

I need a drink!

"If anything is real, the heart will make it plain. There are some people who meet that somebody who they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some loves that don't go away.

And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be blessed to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever. Hope you find this kind of love in your life."

For the past two weeks I've been spending most of my time with my bestfriend, Michelle. Not all of my current friends personally know her. They just hear me occasionally say "my bestfriend". I have three bestfriends, by the way, they are Michelle, Mei and Annalee.

Michelle has been my friend since puberty hit us. She lives three floors down from my place. We went to the same high school but she's a year younger than me (nag-grade 7 kasi). On weekends, we would always spend time malling and/or dating. Yes, at very young age we're already dating. hehehe...When it's shopping, we're inseparable. We know every store in SM City. Greenhills tiangge addicts. And on Christmas season, we'd travel all the way to Divisoria to shop...We talk about almost everything. When we started smoking, after dinner I would always go to her place to smoke and have small chat...which eventually led to hours and hours of chatting. There were even times that we didn't know we finished half a pack of cigarette in just one sitting.

When she moved to the states (on the first year of our friendship), I was the most devastated. But the friendship just grew stronger. Though she was miles away, we were in constant communication...despite the absence of e-mail, chat and text back then. We were writing to each other (snail mail ito!) almost every month. The distance grew us closer together. Ironic diba? But honestly, I appreciate her friendship more when she moved away.

12 years after, a lot of things have changed. W'eve gained so much weight...hahahaha...(Michelle, admit it, you're medium-sized now!) We're older and wiser. Our problems have become more complicated (well, my problem is still my lovelife...hers has become more and more complicated). We have gone through so much. When I talk to her now, I get a lot of wisdom from her. When I listen to her problems, sometimes I can't help but feel ashamed of myself because what I'm going through now is nothing compared to what she's gone through. And despite everything, she remains strong.

I'm glad to be reunited with her...kahit na ngayong gabi di ko sya nasamahang uminom cause I'm under medication (damn antibiotics!). I'm glad that the friendship remained strong despite the years and distance in between. I'm looking forward to another 12 years of friendship with you.