The Story of my Life

I had two groups of friends in high school. One with whom I spent my freshman and sophomore years with and another one whom I've shared the last two years. Of the the two, the first group is the one I hardly ever see. Since we graduated from high school, I could count with one hand the number of times I've seen them and last week was one of those few occasions.

The dinner was set as Pasto, Fort. Yuma and I decided to go there together. She picked me up from work by cab. But we had to take another cab from Mega to Fort as the driver didn't want to face the traffic along EDSA. After queuing for almost 30 minutes at the Taxi lane along Megastrip, we decided to take matters into our own hands. We sought for rescue.

"Hi Ruth. San ka na?"
"Hi Claire, sa bahay pa."
"Nag-didinner ka na ba? Hindi ka ba pupunta sa dinner?"
"Hindi ko kasi alam pano pumunta dun eh." <---Lame! Lame! Lame! "So hindi ka na pupunta?!?!" "Aaahhhhmmm..." "Pwede ka naman naming turuan kung gusto mo. Or pwede ring magtanong sa mga marunong pumunta dun? Ano sa tingin mo?" "Hehehehe...sige." "Actually, ang isa pang rason kung bakit kami tumawag ay para sabihing, pwede mo ba kaming daanan sa Megamall? Ang haba ng pila sa taxi eh. hehehe"

Ruth decided to go and getch us. So while waiting for her, Yuma and I decided to take our dinner. Yuma talked about her detective skills and the action plan she did to prove that her boyfriend was cheating on her. She also told stories about the guy she's currently dating. Yuma is a self-proclaimed jologs and this guy she's currently dating is the complete opposite. Parati daw syang nosebleed pag kasama at kausap itong guy na to. One time, she said, the guy invited her to go out...

"Ang lakas na ng ulan dito, baka lumakas din ulan dyan. Umalis ka na kaya diyan. Now na."
"Wait wait...slow down. I don't understand what your saying. What did you just say?"
"I said, I think you should take a bath now."
(Very accurate translation huh.)

And we both burst with laughter. We owned Sbarro that night. Took no regard about the people around us. We laughed till our stomach ached. The surprising thing is, they're still dating and Yuma is just waiting for the guy to be disgusted. :-)

It was good meeting up with them again. It brought good memories of our teenage years. The story of Morgue's I-saw-birds-and-stars-episode. Yuma's famous lines --Don't be judgenamental! and Kayo ang backout singers ko ah. Cherry's swave maniac moves. And Leslie's and Ruth's volleyball skills.

Change is inevitable, as they say. It is the only constant thing in this world. 11 years did a lot to us. It's just comforting to know that the good things remained as good as they were, even better.
Ruth haven't lost her warmth. Leslie is still Ms. Prim and Proper. Cherry remains the female counter part of "Maginoo pero medyo bastos". Morgue is still Daddy's girl. Yuma haven't lost her sense of humor, she could give Rufa Mae a run for her money...and me, they think I am still the Manang Claire they know.

The night, though short, was a good one. I hope this will be the start of a more regular get together.

My hormones are acting up and my mood swings have gone from bad to worse...

Bad day.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Because my birthday is fast approaching, I've listed gifts I want for my birthday. A friend of mine said you have to list down what you want in a partner, pray hard for it and believe that it will be given to you, in His perfedt time. So I thought, maybe if I listed what I want for my birthday, it will also be given to me (whoever from my friends are reading this...AVOID THE RUSH, SHOP NOW!).

After listing down the items, I grouped it according to the degree of likeness or desire I have for each of them.

Things I really want but couldn't afford it even after a hundred years
1. A brand new car. I want to get Ford Escape.
2. A townhouse at Enclave. A friend of mine lives there. It doesn't have a big compound but the floor area of each unit is just right. Good enough for a family of four. :-)

Things I NEED but couldn't afford it NOW
1. I need a bag where I can put all my stuff when I play badminton, Yonex Thermal badminton bag is perfect for that! I have having to carry my office bag and racket in one shoulder and my sports bag (where my shoes and clothes are) on the other.
2. Perhaps my smashes and drops will improve with the use of a new Yonex Muscle Power badminton racket. :-D
3. I trip in Taraflex cour with my Air Max rubbershoes so a new Mizuno badminton shoes will be perfect!
4. I feel guilty not being able to offer any shuttlecock when I play. I would love to share my blessings to others...bring in a tube of RSL shuttlecock.
5. I'm not always sweaty you know. I also try to look good so I would need a MAC Studio Fix Foundation (NW30).
6. Dry-fit shirt
7. Sports shorts
8. I need to finish my OCE and a new 13" MacBook will get me going.
9. I love Cams (IXUS60). I don't want to see scratches around her. I need a house for her.

Things I want for fashion's sake
1. Havaianas High (Black) size 34-35 or 35-36 please.
2. Brown-Gold Hava
3. Bermuda shorts
4. Charriol ring
5. Lacoste white backpack
6. Body show blusher
7. Denim jacket
8. White sports jacket
9. iPod Nano armband
10. Technomarine watch (Butterfly Pave)

Things I want to pass time with
1. Tribute to APO CD
2. Angel's Fall by Nora Roberts

I was admitted at St. Lukes the other day after the doctors suspected I have an inflammed appendix. He ordered I undergo a series of tests before he recommends surgery.

Thank God, all tests ruled out appendicitis. But the pelvic ultrasound found something else. I have a 2.6cm cyst in my right ovary which ruptured the night I experienced pain. My ob-gyne was not alarmed with the result so I knew it was not serious. She said no surgery is required for my case unless I wanted to. Of course, who in her right mind, would want to go under knife?

I looked it up from the ever-reliable www.wikipedia.org and found out that if the cyst persist beyond two or three cycles, it could be more serious. I'm going to see her again next week and I'm hoping there'd be progress. For now, the red alert can be turned off.

Anyway, on a more lighter note I have a new word to use...

Doc: How are you?
Me: Better doc.
(and went on to do his routine examination.)
Doc: Have you passed a flatus?
Me: Huh?!
Doc: Umutot ka na ba? Fart?
Me: Opo. (I wanted to say, that's my hobby doc. Don't you know my friends and I are the Fart girls?) hehehe

Met with my college friends last Saturday and played our own version of scategories after dinner.

Have a look at Sonia's winning entries:

Letter: Y
Category: Electronic Device
Answer: Youghart Maker

Letter: Y
Category: Baby things
Answer: Yaya's bag

Letter: T
Category: Things you see in the classroom
Answer: Teacher

Letter: I
Category: Things you see in the bathroom
Answer: Ihi

Kawawang Sean.

I promised myself before that every year, I should be able to go to a new place, one that I have'nt been to before. Thanks to Cebu Pacific's P1.00 per seat sale, I had the chance to go to Bohol. So on Aug 9-12, off went Ching, Jerome and I to the beautiful city of Tagbilaran.

Bohol is the home for the smallest monkey in the world, the 1,688 Chocolate Hills, and now it is also the home of the largest python snake in captivity, 23 feet (and growing).

My friends said I have n0t been to Bohol if I don't have a picture with the famous Tarsier. And here it is ...

We also met Prony, the Python. He was named after his captor, Supronio. They must have spent so much precious time thinking of what to name him. Marimar, the care-taker, entertained us with her wit and charm (he's gay). Prony is 23 feet long and 200kgs heavy. That's about 4x my weight and almost 5x my height. He could, literally, swallow me whole.


The last stop of our day tour around the City of Tagbilaran is the Chocolate Hills. The weather was nice to us, though it was drizzling every now and then. To see the magnificent of the Chocolate hills, you have to climb 214 steps. 30 steps after, I was already catching my breath. I guess I'll have forget about mountain climbing, I could never make it. Thank the High Heavens, I made it to the top.

I wonder where my next trip will be...hhhmmm...Palawan sounds like a good idea.

A couple of months ago, I participated in a Volleyball tournament here in ADB. Also in the same month, I joined the Badminton Tournament organized by ADB Badminton Club as a send-off for members who were retiring. I lost in both events. It didn't matter much because I was in it for fun and experience. I'm not the competitive type, so winning or losing is not at all a big deal.

I joined another badminton tournament a couple of weeks ago and to my surprise, my partner and I won the championship title. You can't imagine how ecstatic I am because this is the first I've received a medal in my entire life. =P

THE FOLLOWING IMAGES CANNOT BE VIEWED BY MINORS. PARENTAL GUIDANCE IS REQUIRED.

We had our traditional shower party for the bride-to-be last Friday held at Butch and Kris' humber abode in Quezon City. We feasted on Beef Stew, Roasted Chicken, Kare-Kare (my favorite!), and Calamares, the star for the night. Of course, Kris served the luscious chocolate cake from Quiapo as dessert. Sarap!

The marrying spell that struck my college barkada will officially expire on 30 July. Meryl, the last in the roster of marrying Tsinays, will finally tie the knot next week with lawyer-boyfriend, Kirk. The big question is, who will be the next to join the bandwagon? Arle, Ge, Aileen or me? Place your bets now.

A good friend of mine sent me this as a reply to my forwarded e-mail. I am a scarred girl, if you haven't noticed, and every word that was spoken here have been in my thoughts for the past several years. Just thought I'd share it with you...

SCARRED PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL
by Rev. Charles Cooke

Man Speaks:
I've seen a number of good movies, Lord.
Like Romeo and Juliet
They love of young people, at least in this movie, is beautiful
So simple, so total, so uncomplicated!

They seem so natural
So free in their emotions
Unrestrained in their actions.

I wish I could be like that, Lord
But I can't be!
Why is it so?
I've been hurt, Lord!
I have trusted and been betrayed many times.
I have loved and received nothing in return.
I have tried hard to care and failed often.
I have shared my secrets and heard them whispered to others.
I have been warm and received a cold shoulder.
I've been through it, Lord!
I have fallen on my face.
I have banged my shins.
I've been bruised!
Look, Lord! I'm all covered with scars!

The Lord speaks:
Maybe you have not yet understood enough!
Maybe you still haven't learned that human life is like that.
All saints are scarred.

Young love isn't the highest form of human love.
The highest love comes from scarred people.
I know many people who stop loving so they won't be hurt again.
But those people who do start over again, who continue despite of all,
who leave themselves open to the possibility of hurt again.
These people are able to love in a gentle way...a more understanding way...a richer way.

Many responds:
I think I know what you mean, Lord.
I've met people like that and knowing them gives me great courage.
The greatest people are those who continue to love with all their scars.
I like scarred people, Lord. They are beautiful.

1. I ought to be reviewing my paper in preparation for my OCE but my mind is somewhere else so I guess, I will have to postpone that in the hope that tomorrow I will get my mind back on track.

2. Yes, I'm taking my OCE. After being out of school for a year, I have finally decided to knock my head off. The OCE talk has become a nuisance, primarily because I have run out of excuses why I haven't taken mine. I also had a chance encounter with my Professor two weeks ago and when he asked me why I haven't finished it, I couldn't come up with a valid excuse. Plus, when I tried to access my online student account, I have been listed as INACTIVE. Gggrrr...

3. I have just finished reading The Kite Runner, a novel by Khaled Hosseini. I have originally bought this book as a going-away present for my ex-boss and have no intention of getting a copy for myself, but after hearing the bookstore manager's review, I had goose bumps and I knew right away that I should get one. The next day, I went back to Ink and Stone and grabbed one for myself. It's a story about hope and forgiveness between father and sons, and friends. Highly recommended.

4. After reading The Kite Runner, I'm now into a lighter novel - Confessions of a Shopaholic. And thanks to this book, I think I will postpone getting a visa for another year, or maybe until I learn to manage my finances well (read as: NEVER).

5. God is Good. The other day my wallet only had a 20-peso bill for a resident and my gas tank is pumping its last breath. I was so worried how I could make it to work the next day given all these impediments. Even if I decided to take the train, I can only afford a one-way ticket. What if I walk from Ortigas to Pag-Asa? It's been a stormy week; I don't think I'll make it alive at home. Or I could take a leave, sick leave, emergency leave? How pathetic. God must have felt my desperation, because that night I got money more than enough to fill my tank. Thank you. Thank you.

This is the last photo I have of her (taken two weeks before her...)

I had my much anticipated date with Superman last Friday, and I must say I am still enamored by Brandon Routh's pretty face. His face is annoyingly perfect and you couldn't help but admire it every time the camera zooms in. I never did enjoy watching Superman (nor StarWars) probably because I was too young to appreciate it back then or simply because I'm not into movies then. I have probably seen one ore two films but not a single one stuck on my mind. The only vivid memory I have of him was Christopher Reeve wearing those ridiculous red trunks over blue tights. But seeing Brandon Routh in that suit gave Superman a whole new image to me. =P

The movie capitalized on the things that made Superman a big hit in the past years; well at least that's what I heard from Paolo and Monpete, my Superman-fanatic friends (when I say fanatic I mean they've read or watched all Superman article, comics, magazine, and movie, and they know every little thing about Superman). The movie was a good combination of digital effects, great talent, and classic stunts. As soon as you hear the famous Superman soundtrack it will make your heart pound in excitement. Monpete was literally shaking at the height of Superman's action. He almost forgot to breathe...hahahaha. Paolo, on the other hand, couldn't take the smile off his face when we got out of the movie house.

Don't get me wrong, but I think there's nothing in the film that we haven't seen or expected from the man of steel. The film simply magnified the innate powers of Superman, what marveled me were the brilliant use of digital effects. The way they moved him around space was flawless. Some scenes were hilarious but it all makes sense if you think about it. Another thing I find rather amusing is the scene where I saw his trademark curly bangs untouched after saving the world. I mean, hello, wala bang hangin sa labas? Flying in and out of space, and moving faster than a speeding bullet could mess up your hair big time. Hehehehe...and oh, there is a twist at the latter part of the movie and the events that unfolded it were kinda amusing too. =)

I'm so pleased with the movie and I guess, it was worth everything we went through that night...the long queue at the ticket counter, the two hours waiting time (we were there at 9pm but the tickets we got were for the 11:20 screening), expensive movie ticket, traffic jam in Araneta (it was Bench Fever night and all parking areas were full), and the sore feet I had when I got home. It was a great movie, though I wish I had seen it in IMax. Hats off to the Director and to the Cast.

Whenever I'd come across that line before, I was so sure no one from my past would qualify. But a lot has changed in four years and I'm saying goodbye to my Mr. Close Enough.

2002 was probably the worst year of my life. I lost my mom, my job and got involved with an absolute cheater. I was drowning myself of depression. It was a year-long struggle, probably longer. I couldn't wait for it to end so when I saw an opportunity, I grabbed it. A former boyfriend proposed marriage. He was my friend of seven years and my mom loved him. I believed it was the only right thing happening in my life. I accepted it thinking that, somehow, things will be better. Indeed, things started looking up. I felt stronger and I had more zest for life. But one day I woke up and realized I wasn't ready to get married. I was just starting to live my life the way I want to and getting hitched was the last thing on my mind. So I screwed up. It was unforgivable but he forgave me anyway.

Since then I've been in and out of relationships. Not one lasted for more than a year. I guess it was nature's way of getting back at me. He had relationships too but I never saw him seriously committed with someone. He's based overseas and all those years I never, for one instant, felt he detached himself from me. Whenever there was a major event happening in my life, he was there. He never missed my birthday. He made his presence felt in little ways he knows how. Whenever he's in Manila, he always made it a point that I get invited to most of his gimmicks, most of which I declined.

When he came back November of last year, he visited me at home. I was greeted with a tight hug, the kind that will make you wonder what he's been thinking. I was stunned so I just stood there motionless and cracked silly jokes to lighten up the awkward moment. I was in the mood to be bitchy that night so I let him do the talking and pretended I was listening. He noticed I wasn't showing a bit of interest so he left in less than 30 minutes.

He spent the holidays with his family here in Manila and that gave us more opportunity to spend time together. We had dinner a couple of times. We had our traditional drinking spree on New Year's Eve. On our last gimmick together he said goodbye in a very strange why. Said he was coming back in July but that I wouldn't see him anymore. I was too proud to ask why though I know he was up to something.

He was getting married.

We had a chance to talk before his civil wedding. It was the kind of talk I had been waiting for from him for so many years. The talk that I had expected we'd have over dinner...or when he brought me home after New Year. The talk I wished he had initiated when I got that warm hug from him...all those times I had waited for us to talk that way. No inhibitions. No expectations. The kind of talk where you unfold yourself to the person that matters most to you. The kind of talk where you take all the risk, you leap and hope you can fly (HITCH). Things could have been different if we had talked this way before.

Listening to him opened my mind to a lot of things. I began to understand why he kept me within his circle despite everything I've done. I began to appreciate why he worked so hard to give his family the life they are enjoying now. I began to understand why he kept calling the morning I got out of the hospital...I understood what unconditional love is.

The past flashed before me and I felt more unworthy. How could you snatch away someone five days from his wedding? How could you fight for someone when you know someone else is waiting to spend the rest of her life with him? I couldn't take him away from the one person whom I know could give him what I'm incapable of giving. He was better off. What right do I have to own him or to stop him when all I've done was take him for granted? The signs were everywhere and I missed all of it.

Learning of his marriage was an odd mixture of grief and relief. It was the sad realization that you will never really appreciate what you have until they're gone and the relief in knowing that for once, I did something unselfish for him.

Last night I greeted an old on his birthday but instead of a warm thanks I got a who-is-this-please reply which spoiled half of my day (let's hope I forget about it when I come back from lunch).

Okay, let me explain why I'm flaring up...I've known this guy friend of mine for more than 10 years, even before they got married and had kids. On their wedding, they asked my mom to be one of their Principal Sponsors. Also on their wedding, I sang while she was marching down the aisle...this song, by the way, was supposed to be my wedding march song but since we're friends, I suggested it and let them use it.

So what could she possibly have against me to repeatedly delete my number from his husband's phone? Yes, she deleted it. Her husband admitted it to me. Oh, did I say she didn't want me to be their child's Godmother? They have three kids now and not one of them is my inaanak. I know my friend fought for it on their first child. So on the second child, I thought I was one of the ninangs...I guess she raised hell because I'm still just a friend and not a kumare.

I've had enough of her already so this morning when I got that message, I lost it and expressed how utterly annoyed I was. I told him I won't text him until his wife gets her head straight...which, I guess translates to forever.

I recently bought my very first digital camera and an iPod Nano. For months, I've been contemplating on whether to invest in electronic gadgets and finally it's here. I had first thought of buying an iBook but when I found out how much it costs, I realized I can only afford to eat toasted bread and jam, and walk to and from work for the rest of year just so I can get one for myself.

I'm not a techie person so the last thing I have in my "things to buy" are electronics gadgets. The furthest I can go to being techie is updating my cellphone every now and then...actually, not even. My N70 replaced my old phone which I had for three years. I used to change phones annually but at some point, I got pissed at Nokia launching new models twice a year, I guess. It burned my savings for several years and I've had enough of it!

Giving birth to my two babies which, I named Cams and Sabrina, rendered me sleepless the whole night...and this morning, I did all the needful to make Sabrina useful starting tonight. I'm so looking forward to the things we can do together...taking pictures at random, listening to my favorite music while working out, going to places together etc.

Thanks Ching for taking time to find my babies!

Ritchie had a car accident three weeks ago. As a result, all our weekend plans were cancelled because one, we were gonna use his car and second, he was not in the mood to plan for the getaway.

Its all good. We resigned to stay in Manila over the weekend and just meet up on Saturday. But I think the accident hit Ritchie too hard in the head, he invited us to his house for dinner and drinks, all on him, to compensate for what has happened. So who are we to say no to this invitation...especially if Vodka is in the house.

We downed 1 liter of Absolute that night. Funny thing happened on our way out. Paolo parked his car outside the gate near Ritchie's house. When we were on our way out, around 3am, we saw that the pedestrian gate was chained and padlocked. Therefore, to exit you have to take the long way and that means a 15-minute walk at 3am and with alcohol running down your blood vessels. Forget it!

We ended up climbing the fence, about 6 feet tall. Flow, who was too scared, did it anyway. I did too. I used to do that when I was little, climbing the fence that divides our house and SM City. Then Rome crossed. When it was Jerome's time, he hit the fence too hard on his first step that it broke the chain...GATE OPEN.

Tagged myself :) (Got this from Aileen's blog)

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. No Cheating!
4. Tag people to play this game too.

How are you feeling today?
Cannonball (Damien Rice)

Will you get far in life?
Tell me where it hurts? (Kathy Triccoli)

How do your friends see you?
The Scientist (Coldplay)

Will you get married?
Where are you (Natalie with Justin Roman) - hahahaha...where is this beautiful guy? Who is he who is he?

What is your bestfriend's theme song?
Higher (Creed)

What is the story of your life?
Girlfriend (Julia Fordham) - woaahh!!!!! Don't tell your girlfriend about me, cause your girlfriend won't like girls like me.

What was high school like?
Especially for You (MYMP)

How can you get ahead in life?
Invisible War (Julia Fordham)

What is the best thing about your friends?
Why (Annie Lenox)

What is today going to be like?
Wherever you will go (The Calling)

What is in store this weekend?
It Ain't over til its over (Lenny Kravitz)

What song describes you?
Only Hope (Many Moore)

To describe your grandparents?
Again (Lenny Kravitz)

How is your life going?
I'll never get over you getting over me (MYMP)

What song will they play at your funeral?
Stickwitu (The Pussycat Dolls)

How does the world see you?
Encore (Jay-z)

Will you have a happy life?
These Dreams (Heart)

What do your friends really think of you?
Can't get enough of your love (Barry White)

Do people secretly lust after you?
Constantly (Vanessa Williams) - bwahahaha! yuuuccckkk!

How can I make myself happy?
Don't Lie (Black Eyed Peas)

What should you do with your life?
Stay (Cueshe')

Will you ever have children?
Trick of fate

April 15-16: Easter Salubong @ Discovery Suites

My MBA friends (Ching, Romeo, Jerome) and I decided to spend the holy week weekend at Discovery Suites. It was, again, a night of Vodka drinking and videoke singing.

For me, it was a night of reconnecting with some of my closest friends whom I haven't talked to a long time. I finally had the chance to open up my sentiments to these people. And somehow, it helped me realize where all my doubts are coming from...and most importantly, I realized, that wallowing is just a waste of my precious time and energy.

Don't Buy Pirated CDs...the Return

Jerome: Tuloy ba yung Tagaytay natin? May alam akong magandang resort sa Zambales, Club Morocco. May sports facilities, 20 meters away from the beach. Tapos from the glass door, ang ganda ng view ng beach. Pero yung beach pang view lang. Meron pang swimming pool pa.
Claire: Mas maganda yung alam ko, 20 meters away from the beach tapos may sports facilities...
Rome and Flip: Club Morocco!!!
Jerome: Oo, tapos 20 meters away lang from the beach yung resort.
Paolo: Oo pare, tapos may sports facilities pa yun.
Flip: Pero yung beach pare pang view lang.
Wilson: Yung Club Morocco? Maganda dun! Sa Zambales?! May sports facilities...
Rome: 20 meters away lang from the beach.

And the story goes on and on...

April 20-23: Bora bora

We were lucky to be in Boracay a week after Holy Week. I was told that majority of the working class was in Boracay during that time. Pedestrian traffic was a problem and the shoreline was jam-packed, you couldn't find a decent place to sunbathe. If it were possible, I bet local officials would put up a "standing-room only" sign at main entry points just to stop people from coming in.

It was surprising to see that only after a year, a lot has changed in Bora...Docking, on peak season, is at the other side of the island...D'Mall has expanded to cater to more boutiques. Havaianas, Billabong and Roxy seems like a basic commodity...and Andok's Litson Manok is a staple (I think their ultimate goal is MARKET SATURATION...if I'm not mistaken, there are now 4 branches of Andok's in just one side of the island)...and the prices just keeps on getting higher.

Despite all these changes, Boracay remains a paradise for me. A getaway from the hustle and bustle of city life. The moment I stepped foot on that powder-like sand, I lost all memory of work-related matters and only had one thing in mind...HAVE FUN!

On board a paraw-sail:


ATV drive...

Since April hit the chart, I was nowhere to be found! On weekdays, I work my ass out to shed more than 0.5lbs (so I can rightfully wear my bikinis)...and on weekends?!?!?! It's party time!

April 7: Bridal Shower Party for Anna
Condoms, clay-penis, porn movie, and VOOODDDDKKKAAAA...are some of the things that topped the night at Anna's bridal shower. She wanted to have a gigolo, but this girl is so pihikan, Gary Estrada look alike or nothing...we ended up with....RENE DE GUZMAN (sorry, private joke). Hahahaha...Here's a peak of Anna's shower.

April 8-9: Bamboo Cove, Puerto Galera

Still smelling of the Vodka I drank from Anna's shower, I headed to meet my MBA friends for our Galera getaway. I thought I was the only one stinking of alcohol and lacking of sleep, only to find out that Jerome didn't get the chance to sleep at all and Ritchie only had 3 hrs of sleep...Lets not ask how much Kathy got, elderly are used to sleeping early...hehehe...peace Kathy!

We stayed at Bamboo Cove which is a boat ride away from White Beach. Docked at Muelle Port then rode a van going to Bamboo cove. Ritchie's friend, Anna, said we have to cross two mountains to get there. We shrugged it off thinking it was an exaggeration...But hell no! It was indeed two mountains. You know you're on a mountain when there's nothing on either side but sunbaked bushes, spiny tree tunks and dried grass everywhere. Rutted dirt roads, and dust. Anyway, after 20 minutes (in a province where there's not much traffic, travelling for 20 minutes is a long time) we finally reached the place. We arrived there at around 12nn. Just in time for lunch.

That weekend was the most relaxing weekend I've had for months. Feasting on grilled seafood and meat every meal, playing beach volleyball and cards. Then billiards when you're bored with it. Telling your funny stories over coffee. Relax drinking at night. It was indeed a get away! That's what you call...A life!


Just like Knotslanding, these will be brought up in every gimmick:

Ritchie and the dilis

While snorkeling, Ritchie immediately surfaced, frightened from what he saw...
Ritchie: Ay....ang daming isdaaaaaaa!
(Afraid?! Diba kaya ka nga nag-sosnorkeling kasi gusto mong makakita ng isda?!)
***
The P and F depect...este defect

Ritchie: Alam mo ang ganda pala ng board shorts ko na to. Galing oh, water froop.
Claire: Ritch baka water proof. Hahahaa
Ritchie: Pucha, ilabas mo yan sa barkada, papatayin kita!
***
Don't buy pirated CDs

Kat: Claire, Jerome, ok lang ba kung magdagdag na lang tayo dun sa driver tapos pahatid na lang tayo sa kanya-kanyang bahay?
Claire: Sa kin okay lang. Ask nyo si Jerome.
Kat: Jerome, ok lang ba kung magdagdag na lang tayo dun sa driver tapos pahatid na lang tayo sa kanya-kanyang bahay?
Jerome: Eh kung magdagdag na lang tayo para mahatid tayo sa mga bahay natin?
Ritchie: Alam mo, di naman siguro malaki ang idadagdag natin sa driver pag nagpahatid tayo sa bahay natin no?
Claire: May mas maganda akong idea, eh kung kausapin natin yung driver na ihatid tayo hanggang sa bahay tapos bayaran na lang natin sya?
Kat: Hindi, magpahatid na lang tayo sa driver. Tapos magdagdag na lang tayo.

PS: When we got to Manila, hindi kami hinatid ng driver! Nagtaxi kaming lahat pauwi. Ang kulit nyo kasi eh!

Planning session for Anna's bridal shower: Will meet up with Flow and Mellay to plan Anna's bridal shower. I haven't seen Mellay in such a long time so this will be a chance to catch up. Yes, Anna is, indeed, getting married. Bridal shower is set on Apr 7. I wonder how the bigbarks bridal shower would be like...Tsinay's bridal shower kasi is very wholesome.

***

Boracay: Flip backed out from our Bora trip so I'm left with my brother and his girlfriend. Initially, I was upset after hearing this but I realized, I can't do anything about it so I have no choice but to be 'ok' with it. Things are not the same anymore. I sometimes find it hard to accept that my friends are moving on. I just miss them...I miss the fun we all shared before. Oh well, life should go on for me too. I'll just take this trip as my time to reflect on how my life was changed by the things that happened in the past and how I can use it make my life more meaningful.

***
Finding myself: I have been changing perspective and, honestly, I don't like what I think, feel and see. I feel like I'm losing the goodness in me, which scares me. Because I don't want to have a cold heart. I don't want to be someone who doesn't feel. I talked to Gs about this during our afternoon cigarette break and I was surprised to hear myself talking with so much anger, bitterness and regret. This is not me. I try so hard to to put up a happy facade, to give others the impression that I'm okay and happy, but when I'm on my own, I get to think about a lot of things. I get to think and wonder, why the hell am I getting all these challenges when all I have hoped for and done was to make other people happy.

I was at Days Weekend last saturday, and unlike the past Weekends I held back my tears when people started to crucify Jess. Hammering has always been the heaviest part of the Weekend for me because everytime that mallet hits the cross, I feel the pain He went through to save all of us...But I fought back the tears because I didn't want people to see that I was crying. Because, I thought, if I cried they would see how I empty I am. And they would only have pitty for me.

I only want to be happy...for crying out loud. How long do I have to wait to be happy? Gs said that I shouldn't rush it, that it will eventually come. Good Lord, please hurry. I don't want to lose myself.

to be continued...

I remember I didn't write about this when I heard the results. So for the benefit of those who don't know...here's the story of my trip to the fortune-teller.

Let's call her Mystica (not her real name). No relevance whatsoever, for some reason I kept thinking of a name that started with letter M. First it was Majesta, then there was Marina...then Madam...and then Mahal. Above all, I think Mystica sounds right.

Anyway, I decided to see her because I was damn bored that Saturday morning. My friend and his bestfriend were scheduled that day and they've been convincing me ever since. So I thought, why not? I had nothing to do that day and I have spare money to spend for it.

I would always term it "hula" but they refuse to call it as such. They would rather call it, aura reading. To give class probably...Kailangan may ganong factor?! Whatever the difference is...I don't know. I was a bit nervous and excited at the beginning...but the long wait eventually killed the excitement and made me more nervous. I was nervouse because I didn't know what I want to know about my future...I didn't prepare a list of questions I wanted to ask. Unlike my other companions who had a whole piece of paper full of questions. Actually, all I wanted to know was...will I ever find true love? That was it. Period. I didn't care about my career, well, I do care. But not as much as I care about my love life.

Anyway, when I entered she read my aura. Said it was light pink and something else (sorry I forgot). She asked if I had a boyfriend (Question: Can't she tell?). I said no, but I'm inlove. And then, she said..."Unreciprocated no?" Where the hell did that come from?! Yes. I think I've been unreciprocated for a decade now. That explains why my aura is light pink.

She then asked me to pick 13 cards from the deck of tarot cards she placed on the table. The first card, I think, gives a general picture of what my year would be like. The remaining 12 cards represent the highlights of every month. Meaning, 1 card for every month.

Well, her readings were quite interesting. Somewhere in the discussion she said..."Ano ka ba? Papalit-palit ka." That is because for this year...hold on tight...I will be involved with 4 men. It's raining men...Halleluiah its raining men...Amen! hahaha...She didn't say whether I'll have a relationship with these men. But she candidly said that I have to make my head rule over my heart...In other words, wag daw akong tanga. hahahaha One in January and another one in June. It just scared me though because she said, in June I will be in a relationship...what's with June and my relationships? Why does it always have to be in June?!?!?!?! Gggrrr!...But in July, I will be miserable because of that relationship. And because I'm too preoccupied with it, I won't notice that someone else is offering something better. Hhhmmm...She didn't say if I ever noticed that guy. But she moved on to the next month. Then in October, another guy will surface.

Before we closed, she asked me a question. Who would you rather be with? Someone your contemporary or someone older (around 40)? I immediately answered, of course, someone my age. She asked me to think about it...Apparently, this guy in his forty's, salt and pepper hair and an expat...will be offering me love. Wow! Suddenly, I will be an ADB dependent....at least I can buy Tilamook ice cream from the commissary. hehehe

Makes me think, who in ADB have been eyeing me for the last 3 years? hehehehe...I really can't say. As Ara Mina puts it...you can never can tell. Let's cross the bridge when there's water under. :)

Anyway, two months have passed and guess what? None of her hula came true. Let's wait and see. :)

I'm at work. Just finished playing badminton...went back to finish what I started doing this morning. But I don't feel like doing it yet so here I am blogging.

Was with my college friends last night...and again, I felt empty. Envious. Longing to find someone who'd sit next to me in gatherings such as those. In all our get-togethers, I could count the number of times I had someone sitting beside me. The last time I brought someone, they all thought he was 'the one', so did I. That was a long time. A lot of get-togethers have passed and I'm still alone. Somehow, I'm getting used to the feeling of going there alone (I think they're used to it to0)...and that if ever the times comes that I have someone to bring, I wouldn't know how to react.

Don't get me wrong. I don't long for someone just so I could be accompanied in those gatherings. Its just that I can't help but question, how come they found someone? They've all been together for years before they got married, while I couldn't even make a relationship last for more than a year. My relationships last for no more than 2 months...and if I'm lucky, it extends for another month. *sigh*

I really really hope there's something for me out there...

I need a drink!

"If anything is real, the heart will make it plain. There are some people who meet that somebody who they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. I wouldn't expect you to understand that, or even believe it, but trust me, there are some loves that don't go away.

And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be blessed to end up with that somebody who has a little of that insanity. Somebody who never lets go. Somebody who cherishes you forever. Hope you find this kind of love in your life."

For the past two weeks I've been spending most of my time with my bestfriend, Michelle. Not all of my current friends personally know her. They just hear me occasionally say "my bestfriend". I have three bestfriends, by the way, they are Michelle, Mei and Annalee.

Michelle has been my friend since puberty hit us. She lives three floors down from my place. We went to the same high school but she's a year younger than me (nag-grade 7 kasi). On weekends, we would always spend time malling and/or dating. Yes, at very young age we're already dating. hehehe...When it's shopping, we're inseparable. We know every store in SM City. Greenhills tiangge addicts. And on Christmas season, we'd travel all the way to Divisoria to shop...We talk about almost everything. When we started smoking, after dinner I would always go to her place to smoke and have small chat...which eventually led to hours and hours of chatting. There were even times that we didn't know we finished half a pack of cigarette in just one sitting.

When she moved to the states (on the first year of our friendship), I was the most devastated. But the friendship just grew stronger. Though she was miles away, we were in constant communication...despite the absence of e-mail, chat and text back then. We were writing to each other (snail mail ito!) almost every month. The distance grew us closer together. Ironic diba? But honestly, I appreciate her friendship more when she moved away.

12 years after, a lot of things have changed. W'eve gained so much weight...hahahaha...(Michelle, admit it, you're medium-sized now!) We're older and wiser. Our problems have become more complicated (well, my problem is still my lovelife...hers has become more and more complicated). We have gone through so much. When I talk to her now, I get a lot of wisdom from her. When I listen to her problems, sometimes I can't help but feel ashamed of myself because what I'm going through now is nothing compared to what she's gone through. And despite everything, she remains strong.

I'm glad to be reunited with her...kahit na ngayong gabi di ko sya nasamahang uminom cause I'm under medication (damn antibiotics!). I'm glad that the friendship remained strong despite the years and distance in between. I'm looking forward to another 12 years of friendship with you.

As I was trying to get some sleep I remembered what Mars asked me a couple of years back which she quoted from Brad Pitt&Julia Roberts' movie, The Mexican. "When do you know that enough is enough?" "When I've given my all" I said... and went on to blab why. "Never" she said. I was silent. Shocked at how simple the answer was. There I was showing off how profound I can be only to find out that the answer was simple...never.

But later on I realized, never is never a simple word. To say never entails a lot of emotions and responsibilities from the person who uttered it...

So, when do you know that enough is enough? When do you know that you've done everything to save a relationship? When do you decide to get out of a relationship? When do you know that leaving a relationship is ultimately better than living in that relationship? When do you stop wallowing and start moving on? When do you tell yourself enough?

Enough is when you have nothing else to give in the relationship...and it just goes downhill from there. Enough is when you begin to compromise your values and the things and people that matter to you most. Enough is when you don't know who you are anymore. Enough is when you've lost your self-esteem. Enough is when you can't seem to put aside your differences and it always gets in the way of your relationship. Enough is when you can't be happy living in the relationship and everyday becomes a struggle.

Loving is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling one can ever experience. But when it becomes difficult for one or for both parties, you should start asking yourself why. If either or both parties are no longer happy staying in the relationship then what's the point of holding on to it?! Don't deprive your partner and yourself of the opportunity of finding happiness somewhere else. Move on.

I know its hard starting a new relationship..even finding a new one is difficult(I haven't even found mine)...And the gap between relationships can be hell. Yes, you'll miss so many comforts of a relationship: someone to drag when you need to run an errand, someone to spend your friday evening with, someone to walk the hallways with, someone to keep you company as you drive to work, someone to have breakfast with, someone to have a bottle or two after a hard days work, someone to cuddle and kiss. I miss having to lie in the passenger seat while my head rests on his lap. You'll miss everything and you'll come to a point that you wish you could take it all back. But when you reach that point, think about it one more time then ask yourself, will all the good times be enough to compensate his/her shortcomings? Is there more to give?

My answer still holds...enough is when I know I've given my all but you still remain hard as stone.

I turned 27...yeah shut up! hehehe...I turned 27 and celebrated it with my drinking buddies in Juliano's. It was a hat party...so everyone was required to come with their fabulous hats.

Early in the night, I thought only few people would come. Thank God, Guia, Joena and Ice entertained me (shouldn't it be the other way around?!). Guia was really funny, she kept wagging her fingers (imagine a fish flipping their fins) to match her Nemo hat, and her face?! Priceless! Sobrang funny...she would pass as an autistic hahahaha... Joena for her part played as the fortune-teller-slash-bading friend. Her every witty comments made all of us laugh. Si Ice? What did he do ba? Nothing really spectacular. Oh, I know, he was the willing victim of Guia and Joena. These two girls were flirting with Ice the whole night, trying to seduce him. Kidding! (Joena/Gs, don't kill me. hehe)

This is us playing with the camera...Picture 1: Notice how Flow controls show off her serious look (Something wrong with your tummy Flow?); Picture 2: I'm trying so hard to be serious...pout your lips honey!!!; and finally, Picture 3: Give your best smile!

Anyway, Lou, as her usual self entertained everyone with her sculling (did I spell it right?) flair. Beat Lucy on the first round and Jay for the second round. She finished while Jay was half-way his glass. TRIVIA: Lou just came back from Cebu the nigh before. She was telling everyone that she's been sober for a month. Feeling daw nya, she lost it (drinking that is)...So this is what you call "I lost it." Hhhmmm....

This is a post from http://www.peyups.com written by Amie. I love this article, its as if Amie knew what was happening to me...So, Amie, wherever you are...thanks for writing this. Borrow ko lang ha.

I can sssoooo relate. Read on...

But the stars can't be around all the time. The past few days have been terribly rainy; clouds covered the sunshine during the day, and kept the stars hidden during the night. Where are the stars now that I need them? All I can feel is the rain, pouring like teardrops from heaven. I could hear the rhythm of raindrops, the burst of water falling from the sky. Like tears overflowing, it's like the angels above are feeling my pain.

The nights had been starless.

Everytme I need hope or encouragement, I would stand by the doorway, light a cigarette and look up at the stars. It somehow makes me feel that there is a wonderful world out there, that life is beautiful. Something about the way they flicker in the dark night has this weird way of comforting the aching soul.

I had seen it coming. I knew that once I fall, it would be a lot harder to get up. But I dared to dive. I had dared to venture into that deep forest where there might be no turning back once I get lost. And I am now lost. I'm going round in circles, trying to find my way out, only to realize that I've been going around the same places for so many times. It was my fault. I had ignored the signs. I ran towards the direction where my feet took me, where the wind blew. It was a move I had dared to take, and I can't blame anyone, not even myself for it.

The rain poured the whole day as if it never wanted to stop. That night I was with him and some friends, I looked up at the overcast sky, trying to find a star--just one star, one sign that could tell me that this will get to something. All I needed was one star, one last string of hope I can hold on to. But the heavens have failed me.

Last night, as I was standing in the middle of an empty parking lot, I finally found my star. Not just one, but two, then three, and before I knew it, hundreds of stars were all shining again for me. After those turbulent, stormy days, the stars were there again. The night wasn't perfectly starry, but at least they were there. And as I look out at the window overlooking the Makati skyline on a beautiful saturday morning like this, I know the rainy days are over, at least for today.

I love to see the ocean's beauty
And the moon that shines above
Alone in the sand looking at the stars
Wishing someday I would find true love
Would it be nice to see the morning
With the one you love the most
Would it be nice to say goodnight
To the one you hold so close
To your heart
To your heart

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hope it'll find its way to you
wherever you are

I love to sit in fields of green
Looking deeply through the sky
Watching birds as they fly by
Hoping someday fate will bring me true love
Would it be nice to hold someone
So dear, near your heart
Would it be nice to hear those words
I love you from the one that you love

I'd love to see myself one day
In the arms of someone
Who will share her life with me
selflessly...someoday...
You will find your way...to me...

Hope you find your way back...

Another summer day
is come and gone away
in Paris and Rome
But I wana go home

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
"I'm fine baby, how are you?"
Well I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmm...I've got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you coud not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
An gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby, I'm done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It'll all be all right
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

...the pain lingers.

I took a brave move to forgive the person who has done me wrong. I wanna move on in peace. "I don't want to bring this grudge with me everyday", I said. I don't wanna wake up every morning with hatred in my heart.

"Holding anger is poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves."

Everybody deserves to be forgiven. I told myself I can never forgive him. I told myself I will never give you the peace you need to be happy. You cannot be happy as long as I'm hurting. But I guess, I'm not really cut out like that...everybody deserves to be forgiven. "Thank you," he said. Go get your peace and work on your happiness.

"Lost love is still love. It takes a different form. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. When those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it...you hold it...you dance with it."

CAUTION: If you're not into mushy struff, move one to the next page...there's nothing here for you.


Love has once again changed my life (yeah I know...I never really explicitly said I was in love. Guess I was still testing the waters). After what I've been through in the past, I've closed my mind and my heart to the possibility of falling in love the same way I've done before. I've been a cynic...a man-hater of some sort...questioned every man who walks into my life...turned down every chance to fall in love.

Then, unexpectedly, lightning struck. And all of a sudden, I found myself in love much more than I loved before...for someone like me, it was an overwhelming feeling. So I seized the day. I took the plunge despite knowing that I was in for a lot of trouble. You know what, it was just so ironic...that despite knowing I'd get hurt with this person, it just felt so good and so right loving him. I knew I was gonna get hurt because I know he's gonna leave me in a few months. But I seized the day even more...I wanted to enjoy it for as long as it lasts. Because afer a long time, I looked at love positively. Because after a long time, I felt I can entrust myself, my future...and my lifetime to this person. Because after hiding from my shell, I finally found the courage to step out of it and risk everything.

But as they say, even fairy tales have their endings, happy or otherwise. This one ended in quite an unexpected manner. Was I mad? Yes I was. Was I hurt? You can't imagine how hurt I was. Not the worst I guess, but it sure did leave a heavy mark.

I asked why...told myself I don't deserve this. Why did it happen to me again? Don't you guys ran out of things to hurt me? I am so fragile, didn't you even consider that? But now, I've stopped questioning. Because the answer is simple...I was at the right place but in the wrong time. Everything was just bad timing.

Oh well, that's life. I hurt less now. I can sleep well at night. But I haven't forgotten, nor have I forgiven. I know I will one day.

Love til hurts...if it hurts, love some more...if still hurts, love some more...love til it hurts no more.

"Sometimes when you sacrifice something serious, you're not losing it...you're just passing it on to someone else."

Was browsing through my phone and I read this message that was sent to me way-way back. Sharing it with everyone. Its good...makes a lot of sense...

"It has been said that when a person you love hurts you seven times, you have to forgive them seventy-seven times. It may sound exaggerated but that is the way love rili is. If we truly love a person, the gravity of his offense wouldn't matter because we still accept that person no matter how much pain his actions have brought us. You never lose hope that someday you could be together again...there's nothing wrong with that. Your love is just so encompassing that you are able to understand his wrong doings and accept his greatest frailties.

We know that you really love him but we have to realize that the love and dedication of just one person aren't enough to keep a relationship. Even if you love him, with all your heart, your relationship will not grow if he doesn't commit to you the same love and dedication that you have unfailingly given him.

Sometimes setting someone free is the only way to prove your love for that person. Only when your love is no longer bound by his commitment to you can you truly tell if he really loves you.

Sometimes you have to let him go and give yourself the chance to start over again. Let's always remember that there is nothing wrong in loving a person with all our heart. But when we allow ourselves to be stuck in that relationship because of someone who doesn't love us enough, then we are bound to miss the opportunity of finding another person who will love us the way we should be loved, and can truly make us happy."

when this f**k*ng paper is over, I will...

1. Sleep the whole day.
2. Hangout with friends.
3. Go out of town.
4. Go back to the gym.
5. Have my hair rebonded.
6. Finish reading Angels and Demons (Gggrrr...its almost a year!).
7. Hangout in SBC to read 11 Minutes (not my StraMa book!).
8. Catch up on my DVDs.
9. Hear mass at Calaruega.
10. Spend QT with...
11. Visit uhum at Pque.
12. Clean my room.
13. Garage sale.
14. Party with my classmates.
15. Shop.
16. Play badminton with the Bigbarks.
17. Food trip at UP.
18. Have a massage.
19. Watch the latest movie.
20. Love.

I'm now in my final year in grad school and this term is making me crazy. I am due to submit my final paper on Aug 17 and I still don't have all the materials I need to complete it. How can the company expect me to provide sound recommendations if they don't give me what I need? Hhhhmmm...I really want to give up but I promised my mom I'll finish this. So, You up there, if you're reading this...please, please, please squeeze out more creative ideas from my head and shower me with your grace...I need it badly!

...:::...

Have you seen "If Only"? If not, boy you're missing a lot. I haven't seen a movie that made me cry that hard. This is better than "the Notebook" I'm telling you. Effect? Makes you appreciate the people you love most. Here are my favorite lines from the movie:

Ian: How can you love someone so much and not know how to love them?
Taxi Driver: Appreciate her and what you have, just love her.

Sam: Death doesn't put an end to love.

Ian: I love you since I met you but I wouldn't allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions out of fear, but today, because of you, because of what I learned from you every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed. And I've learned that if you do that, you're living your life fully. It doesn't matter if you have 5 minutes or 50 years. If not for you, if not for today, I would never have learned love at all. So thank you for being the person who taught me to love, and be loved.

...:::...

My song now...

you caught me by surprise
I ask you to believe me
without a lie
we'll never have to say or feel we're sorry
dont say we're sorry
soon you'll see

I'm learning
I'm learning you now

Stars fading
free falling into you

this time I'm sure what I'm looking for
and that's what I want you to know
And I won't ever let you go

And I'm ready for you now
be ready for me now
Show me love

Currently playing...

Tagged by Aileen (a.k.a. Meyj)

If I could be in one place right now...
i'd be in Boracay (yeah...even if its raining...I'd still want to be in Boracay!)

If I could give something to myself, to my friends
MYSELF: A brand new car...a Mazda 3 please!
MY FRIENDS: The deepest desires of their heart

If I could take some people somewhere
I'd bring them to paradise (can't think of any...hehehe)

If I could make one dream come true
I'd make all my loved ones happy

If I could do real magic
I'd relieve every frog of their spell in the hope of finding my prince. hehehe

I tag Ria and Maya...wala nang iba eh. hehehe

A good friend of mine is leaving for Thailand this June. I'm excited and happy for him because I know this is what he's been trying to achieve ever since I met him. Flip was always on the lookout for job opportunities here and abroad...hoping to finally land the job that will satisfy his intellectual and financial needs. His patience paid off really well.

Anyway, we prepared something for Flip and part of it was a message from each one of us. Mine turned out to be a letter...hehehe

Here goes...

Dearest Flip,

For the couple of years we've been friends, you've witnessed most of the major events in our life. And in all those occasions, I never felt you left me. Thank you for everything. I may not have expressed my gratitude in the best way I can but I truly appreciate having you as my friend. Thank you for being such an asswipe on our first lunchout (because of that I realized...mata mo nga lang talaga ang maliit sa`yo...)- ->Senseless to? Why did I write this?...Thank you for allowing me to mingle with your friends and for introducing Sidebar (ngayon, mas madalas na akong pumupunta dun kesa sa`yo). Thank you for accepting my katangahan pagdating sa pag-ibig...for letting me do my thing even if you know it will only hurt me in the end. Thank you for listening to all my stories even if it's about the same person (I know you got tired at some point...I can't blame you. Kahit ako minsan napapagod din.) Thank you for sharing with me my life's little victories. Thank you for putting up with my eccentricities and kasungitan. Thank you for being brutally honest when you see that I'm about to make another stupid decision. Thank you for all your opinions...kahit na alam natin pareho that's where we get into trouble at kahit alam natin na WE DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO HAVE AN OPINION. Thank you for trusting me with all your secrets, the same way that I trust you with mine...and most importantly, thank you for visitng me that fateful morning at UST. That made me realize our friendship goes beyond our gimmicks...That and all others make-up our friendship. I know this is nothing compared to what you've shared with your other friends, but that's irrelevant now. What's important for me is that, somehow, we shared a few memorable times together...

Even if you're just starting to reach the next milestone of your life, I want to congratulate you already. I've always believed in you (eventhough its not obvious...hehehe). Even in the midst of conflicts and near-quitting episodes (hehehehe), you always manage to stand out and put in excellent work. I hope you learn to let go of your emotions. Feel happy when you're happy. Tell the world that you're happy when you really are. There's no sense of containing your happiness...you're only depriving yourself of what was freely given to you by Jess. To let it out is to show Jess and the whole world that you appreciate His blessings for you...and contrary to your belief...failures, sufferings and disappointments are not payments in exchange for the happiness given to you. They are blessings in disguise...they make us stronger and wiser individuals. They brought us to where we are now.

Jess has given you so many blessings. All the things you've always wanted are given to you one by one. You have to nurture it, share it (pasalubong! sampaloc lang! hehehe) and be thankful for it. Not so many people are as blessed as you are. Love? hhhmmm...it will come, also when you least expect it. It will come when you're ready. It will come to each one of us, in His perfect time. Aren't you convinced yet? All that you prayed for were given to you...(UP Masters, Guam racket, and now Thailand)...we just have to wait for His perfect time? He's preparing the right person for you. Pinapapayat lang nya, sabi mo kasi ayaw mo ng mataba...(you're so mean!) Seriously, I know you'll find her soon. =)

Here's to the fulfillment of our dreams and the answers to our prayers!

I'm in a daze...In October, I prayed deeply for something to come my way which will mark the start of a new chapter in my life. And in the most unexpected moment...I came face to face with the sign. Suddenly, I began questioning the validity of this sign....suddenly, questions started popping out. Is this real? How could you have known that was the one I needed? What brought you to me? Why now? Is this our fate?

Its just so strange that this has to happen at the time I was ready to give it a pass. Now, I couldn't let it go because He gave me a bunch of reason not to...So who am I not to reconsider? I asked for this and now that its here, won't you take it? My mind believes I should, but my heart tells me otherwise...

"You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.

Everyday, God gives us the sun - and also one moment in which we have the ability to change everything that makes us unhappy. Everyday, we try to pretend that we haven't perceived that moment, that it doesn't exist - that today is the same as yesterday and will be the same tomorrow. But if people really pay attention to their everyday lives, they will discover the magic moment. It may arrive in the instant when you are doing something mundane, like putting our front-door key in the lock; it may lie hidden in the quiet that follows the lunch hour or in the thousand and on things that ll seem the same to us. But that moment exist - a moment when all the power of the stars becomes a part of us and enables us to perform miracles.

Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest. Our magic moment helps us to change and sends us off in search of our dreams. Yes, we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments - but all of this is transitory; it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken.

Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she will hear her heart saying "what have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you? You buried yourself ina cave because you were feaful of losing those talents. So this is your heritage: the certainty that you wasted your life.

Pitiful are the people who must realize this. Because when they are finally able to believe in miracles, their life's magic moments will have already passed them by." ---By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept (Paulo Coelho)

I learned about this poem from Aileen...Thanks Ai. For those who are trying to shut doors...

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.
If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time,
we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages
we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters...
whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past
the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end?
Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad?
Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out
why certain things that were so important and so solid on your life
have turned into dust, just like that...

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved:
your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister,
everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life,
and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time,
not evern when we try to understand the things that happened to us.
What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children,
late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents,
lovers who day and night relieve an affair with someone who has gone away
and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important to really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe) to destroy souvenirs,
move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or doante books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world,
of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means
making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win
and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return,
do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, you genius to be discovered,%0